Incestuous Amplification

Hmmm...

2006-05-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I feel like posting today. I dunno why...maybe because it is so quiet at work. Maybe because I feel like I have some issues that I need to work out. Maybe I jsut want to talk about how cute and funny my Baby Dog is. He is, too. He likes to wake up in the middle of the night and play until he wears himself out again. He will never wake us up, though. Although, last night I opened my eyes and his head was on my pillow and he was staring right at me. But I just told him to lay down and he did. Funny butt. Here he is looking very happy, probably thinking that he is about to score some major treat!

He has this big giant squeaky donut. Last night he kept squeaking and squeaking all around the bedroom while we were trying to watch Lost. Finally Robert took it away from him and hid it under the blankets. That worked well in theory, especially since Cash forgot about the donut and found another toy. The problem came in the middle of the night when one of us would roll over on to that stupid donut and make it squeak! Scared the beejezus outta me! Here's Cashy-Boo with his big donut:

Isn't he just the sweetest baby ever?

Still Alive!!

2006-01-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

Hello! I just wanted to let all my Blogger Buddies out there know that I am still alive. Some of you may know as you have found me on MySpace. But I did want to post a little something on this site to say hello to all of my old friends.

So, what have I been up to? Well, as you may know the first half of this year was pretty chaotic. This entire year has brought me the lowest of lows, but also the highest of highs. The good news is that while it may have started off rotten, in many ways it ended up being the best year of my life. As previously mentioned, I met the most WONDERFUL boy in existence. He really and truly is my soulmate. I know that everything that I have had to endure has lead us to each other. I have never felt for anybody the way that I feel for him. YAY! I hope that everyone finds love like this. Here we are in Mammoth last weekend:

We are now living together in HB. On New Years Eve, we adopted the sweetest little Baby Boy. His name is Cash and he just turned 3-months old. Here he is:

He is the sweetest little guy and we love him to death!

I have also changed companies and am working on much larger events than I was before. It is a nice change and is exposing me to a lot of different issues!

I apologize for the disappearing act that I pulled. Work was getting really busy. And while I always found myself wanting to post, I was feeling guilty because I didn't have time to check in on everyone and make comments. I felt as if I was being a bad Blogger friend. But while I have some downtime in my new job, and now that I have a computer at home again, I will try and catch up. And if you are on MySpace, please send me a message!

I hope that everyone is doing well and that you all had a great holiday season. Here's to a wonderful 2006! May you all be as happy as I am (finally!)

No, Really...I'm Fine...

2005-10-03T10:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I have hit some sort of wall. I have nothing interesting to write about, no inspiration in any way.

I'm in a funk.

Plus, on top of everything else, I find myself slipping back into that "paranoid and extremely insecure girl" role that I thought I had left behind for good. And I have no reason to. I guess I am so used to certain things happening at a certain point of a relationship, or used to certain behaviors, that I feel it is just inevitable that it will happen again.

I know that this wrong and that it isn't fair. But I feel like I need to brace myself for the blow. Ironically enough, it is probable that my bracing will actually cause the blow. While I am so busy being paranoid, I am pushing away the person that I love.

How stupid am I?

Entertainment Update

2005-09-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh...I love Fall. I love the sweaters, the boots, the scarves, the food...but most of all, I love the new Fall television season!! And I could think of no better way to kick off said Fall season than a full hour of Yummypants!

That's right! Mr. Yum Yum Yummypants is coming home to Mama!!! Oh, I suppose I am happy to share him with Cat and CL...but only a little! Hee hee...Anyway, the show has received positive reviews, so that's good. Extra bit of trivia, the main character is played by the sister of Zooey Deschanel...interesting. Anyway, you all know what I will be doing at 8pm tonight!

Also starting tonight is a show called Supernatural on the WB. Can I just say that it is about time that they bring back some good friggin Sci-fi to television?!?!?! Geesh! Anyway, the show is supposed to be a bit of a mix between the X-Files and the Twilight Zone. The show is produced by McG (of the OC fame) and actually written by the college friend of the OC's creator, Josh Schwartz. From what I have read and seen online, it appears to be pretty cool! After at least two seasons of a good Sci-Fi/Horror dry spell on television, I am really looking forward to this!

So, after seeing the previews and listening to the hype, I was very excited to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose. Ummm...can you say "biggest waste of two hours since Colin Farrel put on a skirt to play Alexander"??? It was like torture. The story line was weak, it was not scary at all and if I had to hear Jennifer Carpenter's low-pitched scream for even 2 more seconds, I was going to kill someone. This movie made me want to poke myself in the eye with a dull pencil. If you are even considering the idea of checking this movie out...don't. I wouldn't even watch it on USA with commercials. Just...horrible.

One last thing, if you haven't already, run out and buy the book The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. It is essentially the story of the search for Vlad the Impaler. But it is very detailed and such a good story. I couldn't put it down. Trust me, you won't be sorry.

Today...

2005-09-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

...I was taking a bite of a pickle and someone made me laugh. I choked on the small piece of pickle and instead of swallowing it, it flew up towards my nose. Where it remained lodged. The pickle juice, however, did not remain lodged. Nope, the pickle juice proceeded to come out my nose. If you've never had pickle juice fly out your nose, let me tell you...It burns like a mother fucker. It made my eyes water, too! I finally coughed the stuck pickle piece out of my throat/nose. Needless to say, that pretty much ended my lunch.

Dream-Like State

2005-09-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

First of all, can I just say how weird it is that Grace has another friend named Mel that looks just like me??? Weird, huh? In all seriousness...I can not apologize for the amount of fun that was had on Sunday night. Steve and Grace definitely throw the best get-togethers. And Steve makes the best drinks! My bags are packed and I am ready to move in!

Anyway, the other day, I was thinking about how if I had made one different choice in the last year or two, Honey and I would never have met. I said as much to him...he disagrees. Then I thought about it some more. I think he is right. I think that everything that I have done, been through, lived through, has led me to him. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it serendipity. I have never felt so sure of anything in my entire life.

I am, by nature, a very nervous, anxious person. I question everything. I stress about everything, even those things I have no control over. Honey does not have that effect on me. Ever. In fact, it is just the opposite. He is the only person I have ever met who can calm me down. With whom I can be myself completely. I don't dwell on issues, nervously think about problems that I can't solve. Nope. None of that.

Instead Honey makes me feel smart, funny and beautiful. He is the first person that I have ever been with who hasn't consistently pointed out my flaws. Or made me feel like I was lucky that I even had someone giving me the time of day. He makes me feel special. He makes me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world, but not in a condescending way.

I feel that I have passed through the last few months in a dream. You know how sometimes in a dream, you know things are happening to you, but you are removed from the situation...you feel more like an observer than a participant. That is how I have felt. I have had some rough times this last year, harder than I expected. The last few months have also given me several rough spots. But I've made it through. I have also felt better about myself than I have in years. Happier, more enthusiastic, more stable, but most of all, more content.

I know content seems like an odd choice of words, but really that's what it is. At night when Honey's breathing starts to slow down and I know he has drifted into sleep, I am content. I am the purest form of happy that I have ever felt.

It has happened fast. We've only been together a few months. But I don't think that matters. I think that as we get older and make it through rough times and hard relationships, that we focus in on what we want and what we know will make us happy. It is so much easier to weed out the "bad" ones. And then when you meet the person that so perfectly matches what you want, you just know it. And it is easy to just fall for them so hard, so fast. Without any doubts. And that is just how I feel! I really do feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Friday Randomness (or Friday Pity Party)

2005-09-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Last night while watching TV, I pointed something out with my foot. JD and Honey made the clever observation that that is something that only women can do...Of course, they then proceeded to point everything out for the next 10 minutes with their feet. It is weird. Who would've thunk!
***
Why can't I find jeans that fit me? WHY WHY WHY?!?!? I hate fashion.
***
So, I don't think that I am necessarily a spiteful person...however, I do feel that I am at my wit's end...and revenge will be sweet. Here I am, barely keeping my head above water, and that Fat Fuck is buying all new furniture and $700 suits and eating out at nice restaurants every night and going on golf trips out of state. All I can say is that he better enjoy every minute of it now...because when everything is said and done, I hope he is existing on Top Ramen. Maybe then he can lose some fucking weight and make it up the stairs without getting out of breath. Fucker.
***
You know what I just realized? When I am patronizing someone or feeling really condescending, I wrinkle my nose when I am talking to them. I've been doing it all week. Weird.
***
With the exception of Honey, I kinda hate my life right now.
***
I hate young girls. God. Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Call me when you're my age and you realize that the world owes you nothing and it is filled with people that only like you for what you can give them (*blowjob*) and that it takes a lot more than a cute tank top and a low tolerance to get by in life.
***
On a positive note, the only thing better than Starbucks in the morning, is an AM quickie. I should like to start my day like that everyday from now on!!
***
I think I've spread enough sunshine here for one day. I hope you all enjoy your long weekends!

Why Today Sucks

2005-08-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

Today my doggy had to be put to sleep. I never got to say good-bye. I know my dad did it that way so that we wouldn't be upset. So that we would always remember him for the happy puppy that he was. I know why he did it. I just don't like it. It sucks not getting to say good-bye.

I know many of you are thinking to yourselves that it is just a dog. But I guess unless you grow up with a dog, you just can't understand. I am going to miss him so much. It's not going to be the same going to my parent's house without having him run down the stairs to meet you. Or being in the car, sitting in the back seat with him running over us kids back and forth between the windows. Or looking down through our glass dining table during dinner to see him staring up at you from under the table.

When I stayed home sick from school, he always knew. He would sit in front of my bedroom door in the morning and wait for me to open it. Then he would hop on my bed and lay on my feet until I got up. When I moved to the couch he would snuggle in and lay with me. He always took such good care of me when I was sick.

Our favorite place to snuggle was in front of the fire. When my dad made a fire in the fireplace, I would grab a pillow and a blanket and he would come and get cozy with me and watch TV.

This sucks. Sleep well, Benji. I'll miss you.

HNT 6: When I Come Back for More

2005-08-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night is officially Honey's favorite night of the week. Here's his artwork for this week. Be sure to go here to enjoy other HNTers!

Not Getting It

2005-08-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently Mr. or Ms. Anonymous just didn't get it...I was giving him or her an open forum to, in their words, let people know what type of person I truly am. I haven't deleted any of their comments or any of my posts...so the fact that they would say I am afraid of that just doesn't make any sense. I completely stand behind everything I have ever written here. So it would seem that this person, who apparently knows me soooo well and truly knows the type of person I am, doesn't have a very good memory.

The entire purpose of my last post was your chance. I was letting you have the freedom of laying it out for all to read. If I were afraid of what you had to say, would I have done that? Nope. Don't think so. You are a fucking dumb ass. You just don't get it.

With that being said, I think that you have nothing to say. I think that you are just a sad little person who some how feels better about yourself after making snide comments. But you have nothing to back it up. Or lack the brains to put all the words together. Whatever.

You had your chance to let the world know what an awful person I am. You blew it. If you have anything further to say, please start your own Blog. And stay the hell away from mine, fuckface!

Letter to "Anonymous"

2005-08-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

WHO THE FUCK PISSED IN YOUR CHEERIOS???

Did I cross you in a past life? Is my mere existence torture for you? What the fuck is your problem with me?

Here's my problem with you: You are a god damn pussy. You are probably sitting at home giggling behind your hand at the "clever" comments that you are making on my site. You aren't clever. You are a fucking idiot with the maturity of a five-year-old. What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to make the Blogger world turn against me? Trying to make me look stupid? On my own Blog? Ohhhh...aren't you the fiesty little rebel?!?!?

Here's a hint: If you hate me so much....DON'T FUCKING COME HERE ANYMORE!! Your last comment about asking for compliments? Guess what? It's my fucking Blog...this whole ENTIRE thing is about me!! If I were looking for compliments, I would post the picture on someone else's Blog or webpage...people come here to read what I have to say or see what I look like. People who don't like me? Don't come here!

I am calling you out. I am begging you to sign your name to your comments. Obviously I have done something to offend you, so why don't you stop with the kindergarten act, and tell me what I have done to you...

This is the last chance you will get, so you might as well take it. After this, you will not be able to comment on my Blog anymore. So here's your chance. Let me have it...

HNT 5: It's a Good Thing Honey Likes Booty

2005-08-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

I swear, it is the angle of the camera that makes my butt look so huge in this picture. And please ignore the tacky tan lines. Go here to view more HNT goodness.

HNT Scramble!

2005-08-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I totally lagged this week and had bad planning. Here is another shot from Mexico...not creative, no stripper heels (Grace!) and I apologize in advance to those of you that don't like feet. It was the best I could do in about 4 minutes. Be sure to check out other HNTers (I hear someone is fully nekkid!). More creativeness to come next week!

This One's for Grace!

2005-08-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I like to tease Grace and call her "Howie" because she is a little anal retentive/ borderline OCD. However, last night my own OCD came into question. Honey and I and one of his friends decided to go to Chili's for dinner. We were taken to a booth in the back. Now, Honey knows that I can not sit with my back to the entrance in the restaurant. I can't explain this. Perhaps I have seen The Godfather one too many times and I am afraid that mobsters are going to follow me in and shoot me up. I don't know.

Anyway, Honey knows this, so he makes sure that he slides in on the side that faces the entrance. Good Honey. However, he slid in first. On the inside. Which meant that I had to sit on the outside of the booth. The outside. By myself. Just hanging out for everyone to see. It seriously made my skin crawl and my stomach cramp. I thought I was going to pass out. Honey looks over at me and asks me if I need to sit on the inside (he is so intuitive, I just love him for that). I weakly shake my head yes. He laughs because he thinks I am afraid that someone is going to come by and scoop me up, but he happily trades spots with me.

What the fuck is wrong with me???

Does this mean that I am only going to get worse? I mean, I know we all have our little quirks (Terra!), but at what point do they go from funny little quirks to all-out psycho?!?!

Well, if nothing else, Grace won't be so lonely when she locks herself in a room and starts peeing in milk bottles. I'll be there to keep her company!

Update

2005-08-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the long absence. I have been out fighting the forces of evil. We will soon return to our regularly scheduled program. In the meantime, here is a picture of me after I killed an especially nasty Sith.

HNT 4: Here We Go Again!!

2005-08-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I was going to put a legs picture up, but then I wandered on over to Grace's and saw she had a leg pic. Can't compete with that! Hot damn! Soooo....here you go. A little peek of my Mexico trip last weekend:

Be sure to check in on other HNTers for more Half-Nekkid fun!!

MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

2005-08-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Fucking Avalanche!!! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!!

Fucking gave away Forsberg. MOTHER FUCKING FORSBERG!!!

To the MOTHER FUCKING FLYERS!!!!

GOD DAMMIT!!!!

I hate today!

STUPID ME!!!

2005-08-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot to mention that talking to Drunky Drunk Drunk Cat on Friday night was the best part of my weekend!

I am so proud of her for discovering the Wonderful World of Jager!!! Woot woot!!

I can't wait to get her to Cali and dupe her with Red Headed Sluts!

It is so on!

"...I Might End Up Somewhere in Mexico..."

2005-08-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

*SIGH* I hate coming back to work after a 3-day weekend. Especially a nice, relaxing weekend like the one that I had.

So on Friday night, Honey and I pack up his truck and head down to La Fonda (not LaFawnda, GRACE!) to do some camping. We hit sooooo much traffic, it was positively miserable! We didn't get down there until after 11. We were both pretty crabby. Plus all the good spots were taken. But we found a decent spot and settled in. Had some hot dogs and a few beers and we both felt better. We wandered down to one of the bars because Honey wanted a tequila shot. I had a beer, no tequila for me, thank you! Watched some girls bumping and grinding on some guys...it was very entertaining. Hmmm...

The next morning was overcast, but warm. We went over to one of the restaurants and had some yummy breakfast (I had a breakfast burrito, Honey had Huevos Rancheros). As we are walking out of the restaurant, we see this girl that we had seen the night before. She is wearing the same dress and has a bottle of Jager in one hand and a tall boy in the other. She is drinking out of both, one after the other. At 9am. Yikes.

After checking out the waves, we decided to go and lay on the beach for awhile. Honey surfed while I worked on Harry Potter (I was soooo thankful to have some quality reading time). After a while, we decided to go to Puerto Nuevo for lunch. We had some lobster and wandered around the town for a bit. Honey wanted to check the waves at K38, so we drove up there. Not much going on there, but we hung out and took some pictures (hopefully to come soon). We then took our time driving back, stopping along the way to take more pictures.

When we got back to the campsite, we decided to take a walk down to the beach. While we were sitting there watching the ocean, we saw a whole bunch of dolphins in the water. They seemed to be having playtime! They were catching waves and hopping in and out of the water and "wrestling" together. It was very cool!

After more beers and hot dogs, we decided to go back to the bar. We caught the last song of these two incredible guitar players. They were unbelievable. I wish I could've seen more of their show. Then they played some dance music. We hung out for a little while (giggling at some girl with NO RHYTHM whatsoever) before going back and calling it a night.

At about 6am, I had to go to the bathroom. I woke Honey up to go with me. While we were walking over there, we found a random $20 bill just lying on the ground! Sweet! Made my morning!

We got up and packed up our stuff (by "we" I mean Honey of course, I wasn't much use). We headed back to K38 and Honey surfed for a while, while I tackled HP once more. We went to get tacos and decided to head home. We left there at about 1:15ish...

Holy crap!!! We didn't cross the border until 5:45!! The exit to the border was blocked off and we had to go waaay out of the way and loop around. Where we sat in bumper-to-bumper, completely stopped traffic for about 4 hours. It sucked sooooo much ass, you have no idea!!

We hit a little more traffic on the way home, I didn't end up getting back to my place until after 8! Phew!

Yes, the traffic sucked, but I had a great time with my Honey. I didn't want to come back, in fact I tried to talk him into just turning around and going south. He didn't buy it...BOO!!

Also, a note for those who "squat" when using a public restroom:
It really sucks when you pee on your jeans.

Wednesday: The Good, The Bad and The Fucking Hot!!

2005-07-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

Wednesday could be the worst day and the best day all at once. I have never been so up and down in one day before.

It all started out fine. Had my new favorite breakfast in the whole wide world (Egg Mitt from Noah's Bagels: egg and cheddar on a plain, slightly toasted bagel). Drove to work, not much traffic.

Get to work and get busy. Get an email about a recpetion for a manager leaving. Know what that means? Drinks at 4:30! YES!

Lunchtime: food not so bad...a few minutes later...the worst stomach ache. Ever. Grrrr!

4:30 comes around and I am happily getting ready to leave and quivering with the anticipation of seeing Shirley in just a few short hours! I turn off my lamp as usual and turn to walk away. The damn lamp attacks me from behind! Before I know what is happening, I am being whacked on the back of my head...by a heavy goddamn lamp!! I yelled and stumbled around my office a bit. No one even reacts, so I make a little more noise. Still, no one even asks if I'm okay. *sigh* I dramatically exit my office and announce that I will, hopefully, see everyone tomorrow, if I haven't died as a result of a head injury in the middle of the night. All the assistants cross their fingers.

After pigging out on brie and chocolate covered strawberries, I dash out and start to head over to Grace and Steve's place. On the way there, I call my dad because I haven't talked to him and I wanted to update him about my car and what-not. At first it is normal talky-talky. Then it turns into a beat-down! For a good 15 minutes I hear a big lecture about certain choices I am currently making and, basically, why they are wrong. And that, basically, I need to not be greedy and just move on. I can not even defend myself. I am so caught off guard! I burst into tears and call my mom. All of my frustration and stress surfaces and I spend an additional 15 minutes crying in my car (in front of Grace's place).

I finally compose myself and head upstairs. Ahhh...What is waiting for me there? DINO NUGGETS AND TOTS!!! I fucking love, love, love Grace. Oh! And Steve hands me a nice, cool beverage. They are the best. Within minutes I am feeling sooooo much better!! So much better, in fact, that I happily pose for duuurrrty pics!

The time has finally come to go see Shirley...But first! We must stop and eat fried Twinkies and Oreos. Good god were they delish!! Grace wrote a great wrap-up of the concert, so I will just send you there. She did forget to mention, however, the NASTY "Margarita" (if you can call it that) that we made the mistake of ordering. Tasted like Kool-Aid without the sugar. BLECH!!

So to summarize my Wednesday: head injuries, lots of crying, dino nuggets and tots, Steve's drinks, fried twinkies and oreos, nasty margarita, SHIRLEY, SHIRLEY, OH YEEEEESSSSS SHIRLEY!!!

I guess all's well that ends well....

HNT: Yippee Skippee!!

2005-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Always the gracious host, Grace once again decides to make sure that all her guests are comfortable, relaxed and having a good time. God I love visiting her!

Major Suckage

2005-07-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

So you want to know what sucks, huh? I'll tell ya. Having to unexpectedly buy a "new" car when you are a broke ass MoFo like me.

You want to know what sucks even more? Realizing that your big CD case that was in your old car is gone. Pfft! Stolen. By an unknown source. No more CD's.

On the other hand...Tonight is Shirley Manson night. I can barely contain my excitement!!! Can you imagine the euphoria I will be feeling at seeing Shirley...with Grace?!?! Ahhhh...Heaven. I hope I get to see her chonies (Shirley's...not Grace's...I've already seen her's...)!!!

Simple Math

2005-07-26T09:46:00.000-07:00

Mel + Grace + 2 bottles of Sangiovese = This Picture

Thursday Again!?!?

2005-07-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

Grubby little toes...and grubby little toe marks on my Rainbows. Honey bought me those. He hated my other flip flops. Funny boy.

I need a pedi so that I can convince him to suck my toes...mmmm...toe sucking...

Heaven?

2005-07-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Could this be Heaven? Quite possibly...add a bottle of champagne and it's pretty darn close!

Ummm...ewww

2005-07-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Walking into a public restroom and seeing "dribble" on the toilet is gross. Especially in a professional environment. There is just no reason that an adult should dribble on the toilet. But there is something worse.

Blood.
On the seat.

WTF????

Who the hell does this??? And why the fuck didn't they wipe it up? I swear...this world is filled with filthy people. I'm at a loss...

HNT...Might As Well....

2005-07-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

I need some time to work on this concept...

whimper

2005-07-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Has this day really come? Am I really going to get my hockey back? I'm afraid to get too excited, that it is just a teaser...but everything seems to be okay. This could be the happiest day of my entire life...

*tears of joy sliding down my cheeks*

Tee Hee

2005-07-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Both YB and Steve referred to David Boreanaz as "Yummypants"...Cat and I rule!

Hmm...Me? Quirky? Nah!!!

2005-07-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."

You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

HEY! VERO!!!

2005-07-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I hope you are available this weekend. My Honey is going camping in Mexico this weekend. He says that if he goes to Mexican jail, he is going to call me to supply the Mexican back-up...you in? Let's do this!

Aggressions and Apologies

2005-07-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Sun:
I know that you hate me, but I’m not sure why. Can we make peace? I know that you refuse to come out when I am off work for the day, but I am hoping that we can get past that. Please come out on Sunday and Monday. I need to fix my tan lines.
***
Dear Hair:
I am so sorry that you have split ends and roots. I will try to repair the damage soon. Please don’t hate me.
***
Dear Chris Martin:
I love, love, love you for the song “Fix You” on your new album. I almost cry every time I hear it. Does that make me gay?

***
Dear Cousin:
Sometimes when you are sad, a little friendly lap dance will cheer you up.
***
Dear McDonalds:
Thank you very much for Sausage McMuffins. They are warm and delicious and I love them so very much.
***
Dear Butt and Thighs:
Please pay no attention to the previous letter. I am only eating fruit and salad and drinking water in an effort to make you smooth and muscular. Now please help me out and GET TONED!! (I’m sorry I yelled. I love you, I promise)

***
Dear Honey:
Thank you for the **** last night. It was just what I needed. You are the BEST and I don’t deserve you. But I’ll take you anyway!!
***
Dear Red Jetta Driver:
You are so lucky that you do not have to go to work. I am very jealous. However, this does not mean that it is okay for you to drive 40 MPH in the goddammn fast lane. Get it? Good. Now get the hell outta my way!
***
Dear City of Garden Grove:
Why do you hate me? What did I do to offend you? Whatever it is, I’m sorry! Now please stop making me hit every single fucking red light on my way to work!! And please stop doing construction on every single fucking street that I drive down. I just want to get to work and back home in less than 4 hours. Is that too much to ask?
***
Dear PA:
I’m sorry that you are fat and have a large ass. I’m sorry that you have a horrible personality and that no one likes you. I’m sorry that you feel that you are so much better than the rest of us because you have a super-sized Louis Vuitton. I’m sorry that when you wear white pants, we can all see your cellulite. Shit, I’m sorry that you wear white pants at all. I’m sorry that you blame everybody else for your failure and take no responsibility. I’m sorry that when it comes down to it, you are just lazy and insecure. But most of all, I’m sorry that I know you.
***
Dear Powers-That-Be:
Thank you, thank you, thank you…for putting David Boreanaz back on TV. I love you.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

2005-07-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

Everybody have a toast to Cat and Shawn tonight beacause...THEY'RE MARRIED!!!! (Mallied? Yes! Mallied!)
P.S. Have two toasts because it is also Cindy's birthday!! Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

All I Want...

2005-07-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

Grace. It's what's for dinner.

Phew!

2005-07-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

I made it! Woot! It's a new month, new quarter, etc...I am sooooo happy!

So Grace and I must have some sort of psychic connection! Like her, I too got drunk off of cheap wine last night (I told you we were meant to be together, Grace!). Actually I got a nice buzz off of a good bottle of wine, then proceeded to get drunk off the cheap stuff.

It all started very nice. Honey took me out to one of my favorite Italian Restaurants (Roman Cucina) to celebrate me making my quota (yippee!). We had a lovely and delicious dinner and bottle of Chianti. Mmmm...so on the way home, we decide to stop and get beverages. We were going to get beer, but decided to stick with wine. Me, being the label whore that I am (yeah, right), pick up a bottle of the Cakebread Cab. I see the $70 price tag and promptly replaced the bottle. Instead we went for a lovely $10 bottle of random Pinot Noir. Ugh! Fast forward about 6 hours and Mel wakes up with a cheap-wine headache. But that's okay, I popped an anti-histamine and headache gone (for those of you that don't know, red wine contains histamines, so if you ever wake up with a headache after drinking red wine, taking an allergy or sinus pill will usually get rid of it very quickly).

As I am sure you know, Saturday is the big day for Cat and The Head. Also, it is Cindy's birthday. I wish I could be in Canada with them to celebrate, but I wasn't able to make it. Instead, I will popping my own bottle of Champagne to celebrate! Of course, I will be doing this while home alone, sitting in the dark and listening to Portishead wondering why God hates me... HAHA!! Just kidding!! I would never drink Champers in the dark.

Anyway, I need to get back to work, but I wanted to tell everyone hi and I will try and check in on you all sometime today and tomorrow. Have a great Friday!

P.S. Hey Howie!! What you got on my Luna??? Mmmmmm Luuuuuuunnnnnaaa....must have more!

GOT IT!!

2005-06-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am a freakin' genius!! Figured it out! All taken care of! Color me relieved! Gotta go now. End of the month and I gotta hound all my clients for their contracts. Love you!!

HELP!! IDEAS NEEDED IMMEDIATELY!!

2005-06-28T15:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, I need your brains. I desperately need $1500 that I don't have. How can a nice girl (by nice I mean no sex, drugs or stripping - at least not for money) make a little extra cash??

I have a couple of things that I could put up on E-bay, but I'm not quite sure how that will work out. I don't really have time to get another job, unless it is in a bar. Oh, and I lack any sort of restaurant experience. Damn. What the fuck does a girl have to do make some extra money?

So I am putting it out to you guys. You are all smart, creative, inventive people. Do you have any ideas? C'mon! Don't disappoint me! Help a Sistah out!

(Note: Borrowing from the Fam is pretty much out of the question, as they are a bunch of broke-ass Mo-Fo's like me)

Skanks

2005-06-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

So...Grace gave a nice recap of part of my weekend. But she forgot to mention that one of those skanky whores kept hitting on Honey RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! How tacky is that!?!? And it wasn't like she didn't know that we were together. It was mentioned to her. Plus...we were together!! Did she really think that her ugly, Wal-mart-denim-skirt-wearing ass had a chance? Against me? WTF??? Hee hee...I am such a bitch.

I did behave very well, though, all things considered. The fingers in the food thing really got to me. As did the fork. When one of the girls was using her fork to scoop pasta salad on to her plate, Honey tells her "You know, there's a spoon right there..." Hee hee. He rules.

The thing is, my cousin and I had gone to the store and bought an assload of food. Enough for everyone that we thought was going to be at the BBQ. Then, these other people show up and they all expect to be fed! Who does that? We only had enough meat for 8 hamburgers. Skanky Slut #1 goes up to Honey (who is grilling the burgers) and says "You know, I really want one without cheese." He doesn't even turn his head, just keeps putting cheese on every single burger! I think I love that man!

So, we are finally sitting eating our food (while SS#1 is huffy on the couch because she didn't get a burger - hee) and the ketchup was sitting in front of me. A normal person with any sort of manners or class, would politely ask me to hand them the ketchup. Ummm...yeah. SS #2 just reaches right in front of me to grab the ketchup, spilling my beer all over poor Jimmy. I didn't yell, just made a few comments about how I could have handed her the ketchup (dripping with sarcasm, of course). I then made a comment about Jimmy getting pulled over and smelling of beer. SS #2 says "Oh well, I didn't drive..." I told her we weren't talking to her anyway, and Jimmy says "And I don't think your name is Jimmy."

GAH!! I hate fucking idiots. AND SOMEONE PLEASE GET THAT GIRL A DAMN COMB!!!

The Moral High Road

2005-06-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

“…He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…” John 8:7

Now, you all know that I am not a very religious person, but lately this piece of scripture has been floating in my thoughts. Last time I checked, we were all human. As humans, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. We all make bad decisions. We all hurt other people, either accidentally or intentionally, sometimes both. At least once or twice during the day, I am reminded of my imperfections. I thought that most people were. I was horribly wrong.

I am amazed at the number of people that have nothing better to do than sit and ponder the imperfections of their fellow beings. People who feel that they have a right to meddle in other’s personal affairs, who think that they know a better way to live that person’s life. Perhaps they feel that it is their moral obligation to step in and correct the actions of a lost soul. It makes them feel good about themselves. Makes them feel charitable. And perhaps it even makes any guilt that they feel for previous wrongdoing just melt away. It makes it easier for them to look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, because, damn it, they have set a Sinner straight. And even if they have not come in direct contact with said Sinner, they have made sure that those around the Sinner are fully aware of the actions, sins and mistakes of the Sinner. It is their duty, their right as a morally superior person.

Never mind that more often than not, the path of getting the word out there is often filled with devious action and petty backstabbing. That doesn’t matter, as long as the message is out there and the “S” is branded.

Here is what I don’t understand: Yes, it’s true, I am not perfect. But you know what? I never claimed to be. I just want the people that I love and care for to be happy. Even though I may not agree with all of your decisions and the way you live your life, I will not say anything to you, or anybody else, about it (unless it is seriously self-destructive and professional help is necessary). If you want to sleep around, go ahead! Want to quit school to raise llamas? More power to you, I hope that makes you happy! You are an adult and perfectly capable of making your own decisions. Only you know how to make yourself happy and at the end of the day, you only have to answer to yourself (or God if you are religious). Who the fuck am I to determine what you should or should not be doing? Who the fuck am I to decide that your decisions are bad and fuck your happiness, you need to do the “right” thing? Who the fuck am I to decide what the “right” thing is?!?!

Part of making a mistake is learning from it. Picking yourself up, looking around you with fresh eyes and deciding to get out and try again to do your best. In the past year and a half, I have learned so much about myself and relationships and other people. And not just about the other person in the relationship. I learned about how other people react to the idea of imperfection. The idea that being in a relationship does not automatically equal happiness. And that moving on and finding that happiness scares other people. Because that means that everything that society has told them will make them happy, may not. That they might fuck up, that they might make a mistake.

Today my mother reminded me that I had previously told her that I would not let the actions or opinions of other people stand in the way of my happiness. I was wounded and forgot all about that. But I am back on track. So if anyone disagrees with how I live my life, please keep your opinions and comments to yourself. I’m not going to hear it, because I will be out finding my happiness. I hope you can someday find the courage to do the same.

My Two Cents...

2005-06-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

First off, let me start by saying that NoCal knows how to party. Actually, they know how to pah-tay! Color this girl impressed!

I think it’s funny that Terra said that Grace and I act like sisters. Hee. After spending 16,000 hours in the car together, we were saying the same things at the same time and finishing each other's sentences. What can I say…Grace completes me.

And for the record, I am pretty sure that my family would be happy to take Grace in and boot me out. Only she will have to work on her tolerance a little. There’s no room in my family for a lightweight! Don’t worry, Grace…we’ll work on it together.

Also, Grace failed to mention that we both spent ALL our cash on the FIRST night. Geesh! You’d think we’d never been out before. It was like blowing your entire allowance on gummy bears and sweet-tarts. It was fun while it lasted, but you wake up the next day with a tummy ache and an empty wallet. Sucks, man.

I seriously gained about 7 pounds on this trip. We pretty much ate non-stop. I tried to drink non-stop as well, seeing as how I wasn’t driving. At several points during the trip, I was so full and so bloated that I had to undo the top button on my jeans. Gross! Don’t tell anyone I told you that.

Also, Grace and I TOTALLY could’ve served those girls. I was ready. I had my moves figured out, I totally wanted to battle. But no. Grace would have none of it. Damn her! If it had been Friday night, she would’ve been over there faster than you could say “White Peach Martini”!! But I promise that Sober Grace is just as fun as Drunk Grace. DG is just a little more uninhibited than SG…that’s all I’m saying.

The cab drivers in SF must think we are completely nuts! In the course of two short cab rides we covered such diverse subjects (most of which Grace has already covered). So I will just leave it at that.

And Terra has the BEST laugh…and so much damn hair!! I hate her! She has like three times as much hair as me! Not fair!

And I am not as short as it would appear that I am in the pictures with Duckie. I swear I was standing in a HUGE pothole! Really.

And Cindy likes to take pictures with everyone…bouncers, statues, whatnot. She rules.

Thank god (who hates me and Grace, by the way) that I had a nice detox trip planned. I floated in the pool, slept in, watched movies, drank an assload of water and shopped. Ahhh…you have no idea how much I wanted a beer and a P-Funk!! Does that mean I have a problem?

Detox is a Bitch!

2005-06-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God. That was the best vacation. Ever. I already know that I am getting Steve if Grace dies, but now I need to make sure that I get Grace if Steve dies (I am soooo greedy!). She and I were meant to be.

Grace did conveniently leave a few things out. I will fill you in later. Right now I have 143 emails and about 10 thousand phone messages to get through. As soon as I am done, I'll fill you all in. I miss you!!

P.S. I think I still smell like garlic and alcohol...is that bad?

"I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes..."

2005-06-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

So last night my phone rings and seeing how it was a number I didn't recognize, I didn't pick it up. Turns out it was my mom, Binky, and she asked me to call her as soon as I got the message. So I called her back, preparing to hear some bad news (she is in northern CA because my grandmother just had surgery). Instead, she is telling me that there was an earthquake off the coast of CA and that there was a tsunami warning in effect and that I needed to get to high ground and stay away from the beach.

Now I just happened to be at Honey's house catching up on Entourage (mmmm...Adrian Grenier...where was I?). His house that is a few blocks away from the ocean. Sweet! The tsunami was scheduled to hit, if it were going to hit, at 10pm (can I just take a minute here and ask you all exactly how the tsunami got it's itinerary to the media so fast...it was just born and bam! already getting the info out in a timely manner). So we waited until just before 10 and went down to the beach.

I was all pumped up to stand on the edge of the ocean all "Tea Leoni" style and wait for the huge, ginormous wave to come crashing down on me and snap me like twig. And I couldn't get that damn Aerosmith song outta my head. Sons of whores!

So, we walk down there...and nothing. happened. period.

How anti-climatic. Hmmph! Oh well...back to my boring life...

P.S. I'm sorry, did I completely miss some crazy trend here? This is the second time in about a week that someone in my office has worn purplish tights to work. I mean, ewww.

Sshhhh!

2005-06-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Don't tell anyone...but I might get Grace drunk this weekend and try to take advantage of her...tee hee!

What Blogger Am I?

2005-06-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay I am still alive (but very badly burned, hee) and I am updating my Blog, so now everyone can quit speculating on where I have gone (nowhere) and when I will be back.
I wish that I had exciting tales to tell you of my whereabouts (kidnapped by pirates off the coast of Tahiti would be a great tale), but unfortunately it is just not that exciting. Work has been eating my soul, or at least trying to. And I have found that when not at work, beer seems to take up a good portion of my life (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Went to a bar on Saturday night called House of Hayden in Long Beach and was promptly put in my place, as obviously my hip factor greatly failed to match that of the "cool" people inside (what with my lack of a faux-hawk). Felt like a shabby little girl in her non-Seven For All Mankind jeans. How much effort do these people put in to their "look" do you think? Or is it no effort at all and I am just so greatly lacking in style or taste that I must go to Gap and study the mannequins or else I would never be able to dress myself properly. Could be.
Rented a few movies last week also, including The Aviator, Coffee and Cigarettes, and Bad Education (mmmm...I loves me some Gael Garcia Bernal). Aviator was...okay, Leo was great, but I really would've liked to get more into Howie's illness as opposed to his business (JD says this is because I am a girl and everybody knows that girls have bad taste in movies), but I am not sorry that I rented it. Coffee and Cigarettes was a bad rental, with the exception of the skit involving Meg and Jack White (who for some reason I am strangely attracted to, both of them) and the skit with Bill Murray and Wu Tang. These two skits do not, however, provide ample enough reason to rent this movie. Just don't. Bad Education was really good (and I am not just saying that because of GGB), but I messed up by renting the R-rated version (Blockbuster is just so right wing) and not the un-rated version, which, when told by me it was a great movie, my friend actually did go out and rent (quite a shock to her with all the sex, that I never got to see, and now she thinks I am a bit pervy, which I am, but she which she does so not need to know).
Saw Cinderella Man last night, which was your typical Hollywood "feel good" about good triumphing over evil, the man beating the system and such (sometimes I like it when the protaganist takes a good beating). Paul Giamatti was hands-down the best thing about this movie. In light of his recent receiving-of-the-shaft by the Academy, he better get all the needed recoginiton for this film (or heads will roll).
Also, Peter Forsberg has stated that he would like to come back and play with the Avs if the new salary cap will allow him to (do you hear that, muthas?) and that makes me as happy as a little girl (wait...I AM a little girl...nevermind).
That's all for now, must go and meet friends for Shabu Shabu Happy Hour with large Sapporos. Remember, everytime you point a finger, you've got three pointing back at you.

Exactly

2005-05-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

"You make me want to be a better man" - Melvin Udall, As Good As it Gets

I've heard this quote many times, as I am sure many of us have. But I don't think I have ever really understood it until now. I heard someone use this quote to describe how "You" make them feel. All I can say is, I concur. Not that I want to be a better man, but a better person. For You. I don't want to disappoint You. Or hurt You. Or upset You. Ever. I've fucked up a lot of things in my life. I've hurt a lot of people. But I don't want to do that ever again. Especially not to You. It's a new feeling for me. I like it. Alot.

You know who You are!

Graduating is Cool!

2005-05-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

My cousin graduated from college yesterday. You know us; we can't have a small little celebration with the family. Nooooooo!! After the ceremony, we all headed over to PF Changs. Oh, if it were only that simple.

First of all, between 11 people, we had about 15 cars. What??? There was some major maneuvering and car-hopping going on. People were being followed, people were being dropped off, people were trading cars left and right. Leave it to us Mexicans to never do anything the easy way. So after about an hour of all the ins and outs and parking and moving, we all finally get to the restaurant. By this time, we've all earned ourselves a sparkly beverage. Ooooh yeah! That's right, it was a Champers day! My favorite. My cousin and I each had a couple of splits. Then we decided that it would probably be more cost-effective to just order a bottle. So we did. Then we ordered another one. Mmmm..."Tiny Bubbles..."

Because my family never does anything half-assed, we ordered enough food to feed a small village for three years. It was madness! Other customers were blatantly staring open-mouthed at our table. Plates were flying, noodles were being flung, scallops and shrimp were flying off the table. You would’ve thought that we hadn’t eaten in about ten years!

After we had finished stuffing ourselves, those that were left all hopped in a van and went back to Huntington. The family dropped my cousin and I off at her place, where we promptly popped the bottle of champagne that I brought into her fridge to chill. Hmmm…what should we do while we are waiting? I know! Let’s go downtown and have a drink! Sweet!

Seeing as how it was such a lovely day, we went to Chimayo to sit outside. We decided to stick with the champagne, as it had been working out well for us so far and there was no point in risking the chance of getting sick by switching. So we sat outside and drank our champers and started talking with some of the other people out there. My cousin was telling everyone why we were celebrating. Next thing I know, one of the guys is offering to buy us a bottle of champagne. Sweet! My cousin tells him to just order the cheap stuff. This guy must’ve had major issues. He bought us a bottle of Dom Perignon!!! My hero!

We polish off the bottle and head over to HB Brewery with these guys. Oh, also, these guys were all waiting for their wives to come and meet up with them! Nice! Once we got there, we all ordered an assload of food. Again! But I felt like I hardly ate anything. Next thing I know, the bill is being presented, one of the guys pays it and then POOF! They are all gone. Just my cousin and I again.

By this time I was soooo tired, I just wanted to go home and sleep. I had called my Honey to come and get me. He showed up, we hung out for a while and then he whisked me off to In and Out before tucking me in. Where I proceeded to have wonderful, bubbly dreams. I wish my cousin would graduate every month!

Stir Crazy

2005-05-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

I was walking into the employee caf to fill my water bottle, when what do I see??? AN ASSLOAD OF MARSHMALLOWS!!! Can you say "Heaven"??? I looooooove me some 'mallows! I shoved four down my throat, took five for the road and am about to go back in and polish them off.

***
I am listening to VH1.com's "I Love the 80's" station. They just played "Tainted Love". In case you wanted to know, that is the second 45 I ever owned. The first was "Eye of the Tiger", which I like to now refer to as "Eye of the Liger". It is so much cooler. And for the record, Talk Talk performed "It's My Life" sooooo much better than that talentless skank Gweeeeeeen. Blech.

***
Is it just me, or is Yoj just beyond smokin' hot???? Seriously, every time I see a comment from her, she's smiling right at me. I know what she's thinking, too. She's thinking "Hey there Mel...how you doin'? No really. I am here, just waiting for you. I've got a nice cold Amstel here with your name on it. Why don't you sit down and we'll eat dark chocolate together?" *Rowr*

***
Going to the movies tonight. Either seeing Crash or Layer Cake. We want to see both, so we are going to flip a coin to decide. I know that Grace LOVED Layer Cake...but I don't know where in non-artsy OC it is playing without having to drive to Irvine. And The Boy will have to be up at the butt crack of dawn, so I can't keep him out too late (although I'll try to keep him up! Dirty!)...so I guess we'll end up seeing Crash. Oooooh...YB's Girlfriend Sandra is in that movie.

***
I suppose I'll get back to work now...I'll be sure to spoil the movie for you tomorrow!

VOTE FOR MEL!!!

2005-05-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

Go visit Bob and vote for me as the greatest invention ever!! Hey! What do I get if I win???

Fucking Larry!!

2005-05-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

Three names I go by:
1. Melanee
2. Mel
3. Mel Mega

Three screen names that I have had:
1. Mel Mega
2. Princess Mel
3. Felanee

Three things I like about myself:
1. my sweet ass (gonna have to stick with Larry on this one!)
2. my incredible memory
3. my sense of humor

Three things I don't like about myself:
1. my short legs
2. my slobiness
3. my big hands

Three parts of my heritage:
1. Mexican
2. French
3. German

Three things that scare me:
1. spiders
2. moths
3. falling

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. food
2. water
3. chapstick

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. black thong
2. black bra
3. fuzzy grey sweater

Three of my fave bands or musical artists:
1. Descendents
2. The Beatles
3. Tom Jones

Three physical things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. sense of humor
2. smile
3. attitude

Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. St. John
2. Hawaii
3. Italy (again!)

Three new things I want to try in the next 12 months:
1. skydiving
2. rock climbing
3. girl-on-girl action (Hee! Just for Shawn!)

Three things I just can't do:
1. whistle
2. pop a zit
3. wear pants with words across the ass

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. write a book
2. fill my passport
3. be famous (other than in my own mind)

Three celeb crushes:
1. Christian Bale
2. Clive Owen
3. Carmen Electra

I don't know who to tag!! Who hasn't done this yet??? Any ideas???

Fashion Tip of the Day

2005-05-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Unless you are twelve (or have the ass of a twelve-year-old), please DO NOT wear pants or shorts with words across your ass!! When your ass is that ginormous, you are supposed to be drawing attention away from it! And no, we don't think you are young and hip when you wear them. We know that you are 47 and having a mid-life crisis, but trying to cover it up by wearing your twelve-year-old daughter's clothes that are two times too small for you!! Gah! Just put on a pair of Uggs while you're at it!

Enough

2005-05-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am over the Pity Party. Debbie Downer does not live here anymore (Wah-wah). After my last post I spent an hour on the phone with my friend Laurie. I miss her. She lives in St. John (rough, I know). But she has a way of putting everything in perspective. She rules. Also, total bonus, Cat called me!! I know, right? How cool is she??? She made me giggle and made my drive home fly by. Thanks, Honey, I appreciate your concern.

Then I hung out with my parents. My mom made me s'ghetti. Mmmmm...Binky's s'ghetti!! Binky also has a way of putting things in perspective. And she gives good hugs.

I topped my evening off with several beers with friends. All in all, it made the events of that afternoon seem unimportant.

My Saturday was busy!! I had two weddings and a banquet! But everything ran pretty smooth. I was able to get everything going and head on over to Steve and Grace's (although we were late and The Boy and I both felt really bad). But I made it up to them by letting Steve beat me at 90's Edition Trivial Pursuit. I am such a giver! Steve and Grace made us yummy food and provided the Champers. Mmmm...no wonder I love them so much. They really know the way to a girl's heart!

On Sunday I got to start my day with an All American Waffle (blueberries, strawberries and bananas w/whipped cream) and a Mimosa. Heaven! We had all intentions of going to the movies, but we were easily distracted by a BBQ. I hate when that happens!

And then yesterday I finally cleaned up my disgusting apartment. Now everything is shiny and clean and smelling fresh. I love coming home to that.

So, I am over the events of last week. Sometimes it takes something like that to make you look around and appreciate what you do have. And I know that I do have good friends that care about me (both in "real" life and online). I have met a wonderful boy that brings out the best in me and makes me laugh. And I have good family that will hug me and make me s'ghetti when I feel sad. All in all, I am pretty darn lucky! And I am determined not to let anyone ruin it for me.

Mega Bitch

2005-05-20T16:30:00.000-07:00

I think you should all stop being my friends. I am truly a horrible person. And an even worse friend. I am a monster. I have no morals. No ethics. I just ruin people's lives and suck them dry. It's a miracle that I have had any friends for this long.

Apparently everyone who has ever known me just thinks I am rotten. My sins are endless. All I do is hurt people. And when someone tries to point out my personal flaws, I just can't handle it. So if you know me, run. If you think that you want to know me, run. I will chew you up and spit you out and leave you for dead.

Weekend Update

2005-05-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

Well, as I am sure you can already guess, I had some cocktails yesterday. Just a little...hee hee. But if I may, I would like to say a few things about Saturday first.

So Saturday was Weenie's 30th birthday party. I had wanted to plan her a bad ass surprise party, but I got shut down. Whatever. Anyway, her sister-in-law planned her a very lovely pool party. Unfortunately, it started at 3pm and I had to work. So I didn't even get there until about 7:30. And I have never felt more uncomfortable in my entire life. And these were with people that are supposed to be my friends. I guess when everyone is knee-deep in marriage and kids, they really have no interest in anything else. I felt like because of my "situation" nobody felt like they had anything to talk to me about. Nobody stepped up and asked me how I was or about my job or even if there were any good books I've read lately. Nothing. Nada. Since I really had nothing to contribute in regards to marriage, kids, or buying a house, I was pretty much closed out of the group. When did my friends turn into such squares? They used to be fun. Now they are so serious. I am also pretty offended by the fact that none of my friends feel like they can talk to me. Is it true that at some point in our life we grow so far from our friends that we can't find our way back? I really feel that way. When I really needed someone to lean on, did my friends that I have known more than half my life step up and help me? Nope. Not at all. My cousin was there for me. And as odd as it sounds, Grace was really the only other person who was there. And I've known her less than a year! Anyway, enough on that topic. Fuck em. Who needs em?

Sooooo...as you may know, Sunday is my Funday! And I think it was pretty darn close to perfect. It started with a lovely breakfast. I made Mimosas and The Boy made me the best French Toast I have ever eaten. Ever! We sat in the sun and drank and ate and drank some more. I watched the boys play whiffle ball in the alley. I watched JD make the catch of a lifetime! Then I watched JD take the fall of a lifetime. He went down like an elephant at the circus. Dust cloud and everything. I thought I was going to pee my pants from laughing soooo hard. It definitely made my weekend.

JD suggested nice cold beer, so we moved on to that. My cousin showed up and we relaxed and drank. Mmmmm...then we went to meet up with some of their friends. We sat outside and chatted and drank some more. We finally decided that we were hungry and went back to the house. As we are getting into a cab, I didn't duck my head low enough. You guessed it. Huge lump on the back of my head. Damn it. Always with the drunken injuries! Doesn't matter, it was still the best day ever.

Now I am sitting here watching a two-hour Anderson Cooper special. My week has peaked and it's only Monday! Sweet!

I Was a Liar

2005-05-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

I recently lied...A BIG LIE. I made the mistake of telling certain individuals that I broke up with one Jordan Londeree in eighth grade for the soul reason that he was a bad kisser. I am here now to set the record straight. It's just not true. In my naivete, I think that I just thought that he was a bad kisser. I wasn't looking at that big picture. Obviously. I wasn't looking at the fact that JD would eat his Wheaties and grow up to be big and strong. I wasn't looking at the fact that one day, JD would save my life (by introducing me to the BEST guy. Ever.) I couldn't have been more wrong.

The honest truth is that, I was a shaky kisser at best. When JD and I shared an intimate moment, Shakespeare could not have written a better kiss. Yes, we were young. However, that kiss was amazing. And apparently it was my own inexperience that made the kiss seem "bad". However, now I know that JD was ahead of his time. I was not ready for him. Plus, he is an amazing individual as well. He has an insight into people that I never thought possible.

Of course, JD thinks my name is Emily, but that's coooooool.

P.S. This message has been brought to you by Champagne, Amstel Light and the guiding hand of JD.

P.S.S. Nothing in the above statement should be discounted whatesoever. JD is honestly the best guy ever....any single girls out there??? He needs a decent woman so we can go out and party as a foursome!

P.P.S.S. He is an amazing kisser, I just didn't know any better at the time. I have also heard he can "eat a peach for hours"!!!

I'm a Bad Girl!

2005-05-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Get your head out of the gutters! I don't mean it that way! Well, not for the sake of this post anyway. I am bad because I haven't been able to keep up with all my friends. My friends that I love the most. And I miss you all terribly! So, don't think I have abandoned you. Work has just been extremely hectic. But I still love you, and I hope you all still love me (CAT!).

In other news...Not to be too graphic, but I have a disgusting bug bite...ON MY ASS!!! Okay, so it's not really on my ass, just below it. But it hurts. It hurts to sit down. It hurts when my jeans rub against it. It just fuckin' HURTS!! And it is kind of changing color. I think I might die. I am slowly being poisoned. I just know it. I can feel the venom flowing through my veins. In order to live, I may have to amputate. Will you still love me if I only have one leg?

Also, I am the happiest girl I have ever been. Ever. Isn't it amazing how you get to a low point and you think you will never get out of it...and one day something snaps and you realize that things do get better. And you are entitled to feel a certain way. And to be treated a certain way. And to not be treated that way is a horrible thing. Yup. I've OD'd on the self-help books. But that's okay. Because I feel wonderful. And just when I thought I couldn't feel any more wonderful, I met someone who makes me feel incredible. Incredible. Is this what I've been missing out on all this time? I wasn't kidding when I said before that I was on Cloud Nine. There really is no other way to describe it. Actually, I am like a geeky 15-year-old. I giggled the other day. Giggled. WTF? I don't giggle. I guffaw. I chortle. I snort. I sure as hell don't giggle. The worst part. I didn't even care who heard it. GAH! It is so sweet, I am going to make myself barf!!

Me? Really!??!

2005-05-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

"P.S. You are captivating (in every sense)"

Best compliment. Ever!

If you need me, I'll be up on Cloud Nine.

Smudge

2005-04-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

Quit touching my computer with your greasy-ass finger, you dumb mother fucker!!! Idiot! GAH!

Sick

2005-04-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have a fever...

...and the only cure is more cow bell!

Darth Mel

2005-04-28T12:36:00.000-07:00

In honor of the third episode of Star Wars, the marketing gurus have created a Darth Vader helmet with a voice changer. Ahhhhhh…can my life be any better at this moment??? I doubt it.

They sell them at Target and I am drooling, drooling, drooling to get my hands on one! I was talking on the phone last night and my friend asked me what I was going to do with the helmet.

I told him that I was going to put the helmet on, get my light saber, pop the Star Wars DVD in and act out the role of Darth Vader in my living room. Can you picture it?

As the lights dim, a hush falls over the crowd. A voice comes over the loudspeaker:
“Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Tonight the role of Darth Vader will be played by Mel Mega.”

Sweet! I can totally picture it. I am serious, though. I am going to find a couple of good scenes and memorize and perfect them in my Darth Vader helmet. Then, I can re-enact scenes at any given time. I will be the hit of every party I go to! In fact, people may eventually pay me to come to their parties and entertain them with my uncanny resemblance to the real dark lord!

So, if I don’t post for a while, it is only because I am in training. I must memorize every tick, every movement, every breath of my Lord Vader.

May the Force Be With You…

My Life is Complete

2005-04-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

I cried this morning. Don't worry, they were tears of joy. Just as I am finally feeling really good about my life, good fortune decided to smile down on me and make it just a little bit better. That's right...Wienerschnitzel now has Mini Chili Dogs!!

As if the perfection of the Mini Corn Dog wasn't enough, they have to go and one up themselves. Think about it people. All the tasty goodness of a chili dog in one bite-sized morsel. No more chili-splatters on your shirt or your pants. Just savory, tasty chili...popped right in your mouth! Mmmmm...who would've thought that I could reach heaven one tasty bite at a time?

I am such a whore to the mini food.

Weekends Are for Amateurs

2005-04-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what happened. Maybe Monday is the new Saturday? I think it is now. All I know is that a case of Coors Light and two bottles of Champagne can make for very strange happenings and conversation on a Monday night.

During some “innocent” television watching, my futon (which is currently acting as a couch due to my lack of furniture) collapsed and pretty much broke into three pieces. Sweet! Now there is nowhere to sit and watch my dinky TV! Boo.

I can’t get into too much detail about the conversations that took place, but I can say that at some point the following words and phrases were used: “cat giving birth”, “gymnasty-ics”, “sex bump”, “Ethiopian Shim Sham”, “Manscaping” and “baby nuts”.

Somehow 2 AM came really fast. I get up at 5:50. I am the most tired girl in the universe right now. But it was sooooo worth it! If Rock Stars can party during the week, then so can Mel Mega!! Everybody raise your glass to a little mid-week drinking (or early-week drinking as the case may be).

I Kill Me: The Deuce!

2005-04-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

So my cousin sends me an email and adds the following PS:

E: "I've been noticing a lot of people with no necks lately. Like seriously, their shoulders touch thier ears. Whats up with that? your thoughts....."

MM: "Yeah, what the hell is up with the no-neck thing? What do you think would happen if those people ever had to be put into a guillotine? Would they lose half their torso? Probably, huh?"

My cousin had to leave the library for laughing out loud and snorting!! Hee!

Good times, y'all...Good times...

Highlights

2005-04-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

Last week was crazy for me!! I was super busy. But I had small little things that made it a great week:

1. I walked into Trader Joes and they had my favorite flower, Ranunculus, in the best pink ever! I almost cried, I was so excited.

2. A text message in the middle of the day telling me to have a good day. And I was having a crappy day. But that made me smile.

3. The best bowl of oatmeal I have ever had. With brown sugar, raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, bananas and milk. Mmmmm...I thought I was in heaven.

4. Finding soft Gummy Cherries. And then proceeding to eat the entire bag in one sitting.

5. Having someone tell me I was beautiful. And having it said in the most sincere way possible. It's been a long time since I've heard that and I was a little blown away...

6. Being told that I need to go home and change my pants, because the ones I had on were pissy. How could anyone be a "Pissy Pants" after that comment?!?!

I am on my 6th straight day of a 10-day work week. I am tired and crabby. But I am getting my crap done so I can go home and not be nerved out. I hope everyone I come into contact with these next 4 days is patient and understanding. And I hope that on Friday I can go out and find enough Amstel to make up for the past 10 days. It's not the holidays, so I can dissolve myself in alcohol! SWEET!

P.S. Please go visit Grace and tell her to name her cute new bunny after me!

I Love Her!!

2005-04-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

You are Kirsten Cohen! You are devoted to your
family and your work. But try not to dissolve
yourself in alcohol during the holidays. People
may talk and you may be embarrassed at your
next yogalates lesson!Despite all of this you
are still the best character in the show!

Which O.C. Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Kill Me

2005-04-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

So Weenie sends me pictures of her nephew at the Wiggles concert. Seeing as how I have no kids of my own, I innocently ask her who the fuck the Wiggles are.

W: The Wiggles are the newest fad for children entertainment. They are four men who sing and dance.

MM: Four men who sing and dance!??! Back in our day they were called The Village People!! HAHAHA!!!

Tee hee...it's a good thing I can keep myself entertained. Now, I have to go and eat more marshmallows...

WARNING!!!

2005-04-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I had dinner with my mom and my cousin. As we are leaving the restaurant, my mom starts walking over to her car. She announces to me and my cousin "I need to check the back seat and make sure that there isn't a racist in my car."

Apparently, there is a growing problem of racists sneaking into the back seats of unlocked cars. So please, for your own safety, be sure to lock your doors. If you are a woman, park in well-lit areas and always get someone to walk you to your car. If you are a man...well...perhaps you should follow the same advice. There doesn't seem to be any information that would lead us to believe that these racists are targeting women only.

Let's all work to keep each other safe!

Oh Brother!!

2005-04-13T15:13:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else totally grossed out by the idea of Ms. Britney and her husband Kevin Feder-skeezy having a baby? Seriously. The two people on this earth who really should not be procreating. Ugh! Like Feder-skeezy hasn't spread enough of his trashy genes around!?!? I mean no offense to Shar "Always the Victim" Jackson, but really his other kids look like mongoloids. Is that a word? Guess what, IT IS NOW!

Am I missing something in regards to Kevy. I mean, I just don't see the appeal. He's unemployed, living off his wife, has kids with a baby-mama, smokes like a fiend, and from what I can tell, tries to conserve water by not showering everyday. Oh swoon. He is seriously gross! I know that at this particular time in my life, I don't have much room to be picky...but still. Eww.

And what the hell was Brit thinking!?!? I mean, how in the world do you go from Justin Timberlake to Kevin? Justin Timberlake, people!! The ultimate boy bander. He obviously traded up. But it was like Brit just decided she had peaked at Justin and it was all downhill from there. Either that or Kevy must do some kinky ass shit in bed. Ewww...got a visual on that one!

Regardless, I am sure that we are all going to have Brit's baby shoved down our throats for at least the next six months. Oh I can hardly contain my excitement. I hope she gets as big as a house and has to resort to having her own show on VH1 called "Fat Singer". HA! Pass the KFC.

Breakin' The Law

2005-04-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

I really should not be let out. Let me rephrase that. I really should not be let out to consume mass quantities of beer. Because apparently, if you offend me, I will not hesitate to smack you in the face as hard as I can.

You should've seen the look on that guy's face. Not to mention the look on his friend's faces and my friend's faces. He kind of whimpered and looked at me. I just told him "Wow! I've always wanted to do that!"

Ha! Sucka! It's a good thing he was drunk, though. I would've hated for him to get all mean and press charges and what not. Then I would've had to hit him with the other side of my hand!

So, if you see me out, be really nice to me. Cuz I won't hesitate to smack a bitch up!

We've Got Ourselves a Game

2005-04-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Germs, it is official. With the passing of JP2, we have had our first official entry into this year's Death Pool (or Pool 'O Death as some like to refer to it).

Steve has chosen to mourn JP2's passing by making everyone drink blue Jell-o shots. Hmm...Steve, I don't know if that is what the Big Guy had in mind...but it sure sounds like a lot more fun!

Congrats Steve, your small victory is well deserved!

Also, sorry I haven't written. As some of you may have already figured out, I have been held captive by Grace and Steve. They are such wonderful hosts. Steve makes sure that everyone always has a drink and Grace squeezes out guacamole like nobody's business. Anyway, I am trying to talk them into officially adopting me. It will be fun! C'moooooon! I will even do the laundry! I think I will just visit them every weekend until they finally give in! And hopefully just in time for DAW (Daughter Appreciation Week)!!

Also, I would like to add to Larry's post about a couple of weeks ago that at one point in the evening, he wiped my nose. Yup...I had a little bit of yogurt on the end of my nose from my shot and before I knew what was happening...Larry just wiped it right off for me. What a guy!! Thanks, Sweetie! Also, for the record, I swear I did not drink as much beer as Grace and Larry would like to have you think. Can I help it if they started hours before me!??! I was just trying to catch up! Geesh! And I didn't get all crazy either. I had to work the next day!

Other than that, I am just getting used to living alone. It is starting to grow on me. My house has never been cleaner! And I have had plenty of time to think about what I want. Here is my big list:

1. Someone who will pick me up, take me to dinner and pay for it.
2. ummm...I guess that's it.

So much for my high standards...

Revenge

2005-03-12T11:34:00.000-08:00

Well, who knew that Keanu reads my Blog. And that he is so connected to people in high places. Apparently Keanu did not enjoy my review of his acting in Constantine, so he tried to have me taken out. Really. I barely survived...

So there I am, happily driving to work on a lovely Thursday morning. Listening to Kevin and Bean, drinking my coffee and mother f-ing all the stupid drivers. Ahhh bliss! From out of nowhere comes a large black SUV with tinted windows. The car pulls up right next to me and almost sideswipes me! I grab the wheel and swerve a little and yell out "Whoa!" because it totally freaked me out! I look up towards the driver, ready to give him my bitchiest look and cuss him out like I'm an Osbourne...but it never gets that far.

The SUV swerves towards me again, this time brushing the side of my car. I am in the far left lane with nowhere to go except into on coming traffic! I jam my foot down on the gas as hard as I can, hoping that I can get past the SUV. Right. What the hell was I thinking!??! The SUV comes at me again and I make a quick left into a residential neighborhood. Where I am met with a dead end.

The SUV quickly pulls up behind me and blocks me in. I don’t know what to do. I am looking around the neighborhood, hoping to see kids on their way to school, people walking their dogs, anything! But conveniently, no one seems to be around. I start to dig in my purse to find my cell phone. As I am frantically searching, someone yanks my car door open and grabs my collar. I am face to face with the largest man I have ever seen in my life and I am pretty sure he is going to eat me.

Instead, he tells me to undo my seat belt and get out of the car. I do as he asks because he is so ginormous and I don’t want to die. I am thinking in my head what I could have possibly done to deserve this. I know I am not always the nicest person, but for the most part, I obey all the rules and laws that have been set out for me by this great country. I pay my taxes, I haven’t killed anyone (though not for lack of trying). What could I have done to warrant this kind of treatment??

The super-human that pulled me out of my car tells me that I need to get into his car immediately. I tell him that I can’t leave my car, I am on my way to work. If I don’t show up, people will worry (actually they would probably celebrate!). He tells me that at this point, I have no choice and not to worry about my car or my job. It will all be taken care of. Oh god, Satan has finally come after me!

Super-human won’t answer any of my questions. He just tells me sit down and be quiet. We drive for what seems like 40 days, but is probably more like 40 minutes. After all the coffee and excitement I’ve had, I have to pee really bad. I mean REALLY bad. I ask SH if he can pull over and let me pee. He refuses. I tell him that I am going to ruin his leather if he doesn’t stop. I beg, I plead, I moan. He finally gives in and pulls into a gas station, where he proceeds to come into the bathroom with me. I ask him if he is going to wipe my ass when I am done and he just tells me that he can’t let me out of his sight. Geesh!

The car finally pulls up to a scary warehouse and SH gets out. The warehouse is completely dark, with the exception of a light coming from a separate room in the corner. He tells me to go into the room. I open the door expecting to see the flaming pits of hell on the other side. But no, just a desk. And a vending machine that appears to only sell Mountain Dew. Hmmm. I didn’t think anyone even drank Mountain Dew anymore. I’m dying of thirst so I dig in my pockets for a few quarters. Fuck, just lint and a dime. Figures.

Since there are no chairs in the room, I sit on the desk. And wait. And wait and wait some more. After about an hour, I hear a little tap on the door. The knob turns and someone comes in. I turn my head and can’t believe that Keanu has just walked into the room. Phew! I was really scared for a minute!

“We need to talk.”

“I’m sorry, Keanu, do I know you?”

“No, but I know you.”

“Okaaaaaay…that’s just creepy.”

“You said some very hurtful things about my acting.”

“I say hurtful things about a lot of actors. Why, just the other day I was remarking how gross and puffy Kim Delaney looks. And that Jessica Alba and Brittany Murphy are just sad. So really, that doesn’t make you special.”

“Yes, but Mel, I look up to you. I read your Blog every day. When you have a funny story, I laugh. When you hurt, I cry. Dude, we are like connected on some deeper level.”

“Did you just call me ‘Dude’? Don’t do that.”

“Whoa! Sorry! But the point is, your opinion matters to me. And when you tell your readers, who are, like, way super smart, that I am a bad actor, it just, like, really makes me hurt inside.”

“Keanu, honey, it’s just a Blog. You really should focus your energy on something else. Like acting lessons!”

“I want you to take it back. I want you to write a post telling your readers that you were wrong, that I am a good actor. I want you to tell them that I won’t always be “Ted”. That I made you cry in A Walk on the Clouds.”

“Keanu, I just can’t do it…I’m sorry.”

“No, I think you will! And you will stay here until you do!”

With that, he dramatically storms out. Well, as dramatically as Keanu can. So, I sat in that room for almost two weeks. Every day Keanu would come by and try to convince me to take back what I said about his acting. And every day, I said I couldn’t do it. He refused to give me food or even quarters to buy Mountain Dew. I almost withered away to nothing. I now weigh 65 pounds! I had to sleep on top of that stupid little desk by the green light of the Mountain Dew machine.

SH finally took sympathy on me, and would try to slip snacks to me when he could. Ultimately, he helped me plan my escape. We waited until a night that Dogstar had a reunion “gig” and we knew that Keanu wouldn’t come by. Then SH put me in his pocket and drove me to the bus station. He bought me a ticket and made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the ride home. I finally got back to my apartment late last night. It was so great to take a shower and sleep in an actual bed.

I still refuse to take back what I said about Keanu. And I am sure that he is out there looking for me right now. I have no choice but to live out the rest of my days as a “fugitive”. Constantly looking over my shoulder. Waiting for the day that Keanu will try to sneak back up on me. Until then, I will try to update my Blog as often as possible. But from here on out, I will no longer mention Keanu. I guess in a small little way, he did win. Hopefully this will serve as a warning to anyone else that may choose to dis Keanu on their Blog. Trust me, it’s not worth it.

Despite Keanu

2005-02-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

I have been really intrigued by the idea of the movie Constantine. So, eventhough I am not a big fan of the acting phenom that is Keanu, I decided that I needed to see this movie.

I was really impressed. Once you get past Keanu, the movie is much better than expected. I thought that the story line was good, it kept my interest. The whole "look" of the movie was really neat. If you can tune out Keanu's cheesy lines, there is a good movie in there. Also, it was not really what I would call a "horror" film. I didn't think it was that scary. Of course, there are scary demons in it, but the story itself isn't scary. The only other thing I will mention is that you have to really pay attention. There are a lot of little details that if you miss them, you may be confused. So if you go to see this movie, make sure you don't go with a talker. And try to sit where you won't be disturbed by other movie-goers.

In other news, I FINALLY saw some good previews (if I see the damn preview for Guess Who? one more time, I am going to scream and rip all my hair out). Has anyone seen the previews for Sin City? At first I was a little turned off due to the fact that Jessica Alba and Brittany Murphy are in it. However, there are a lot of other, more respectable, actors in the movie. I am looking forward to that one! And I also finally saw the preview for the new Batman movie. All I can say is: "Mmmmmm....Christian Bale..."

Weekend Update

2005-02-22T13:43:00.000-08:00

So, obviously I got to spend some quality time with "The Boyz", as seen below. Here are some of the other fun things I did:

Watched Weenie almost set herself on fire while she was trying to light a fire in the fireplace. Laughed my ass off as she tried to "Stop, Drop and Roll" and then ask us if she had any eyebrows left.
Got "goosed" by Jordan about 150 times in two days. Sad thing is, that's the most action I've had in months!
Made the waitress at Chili's switch tables because she thought that Leah (Brother's girlfriend) and I were laughing at her (we weren't).
Laughed hysterically at Leah when she ordered the "Quesadilla Explosion"!!
Laughed some more at the lack of actual Quesadilla involved in such an explosion.
Realized that the more beer I drink, the better I get at darts. So if I'm drunk and aiming at you, you better run like hell!
After drinking massive amounts of beer, had to deal with a drunk sorority girl who didn't read her contract and was in hysterics on the phone. Total buzz kill. But I did put the smack down and became Leah's hero! Hee!
Watched LB almost strangle the waiter at Fridays for not bringing him his mashed potatoes.
Snorted entirely too loud in the movie theater.
Restrained myself from walking to the front of the theater and kicking the ass of some 19-year-old Baby Mama who brought said baby to the theater (Good God, people! If you can't afford a babysitter, than maybe you should keep your broke ass at home!).
Hit my head on the wall when I tried to swan dive into bed (This is the second time since I have been on my own that I have hit my head. I am pretty sure I am going to knock myself out and be there for days without anyone knowing).
Yelled at kids running around Barnes and Noble. I told them that if they didn't sit quietly, I would call security. I think they were about 5. (I don't mean to be bitchy, but Barnes and Noble is like church. You must be quiet and have respect. No yelling. No running. No cell phones. And above all else, don't pick up a book and loudly describe the ending to your friend over in the cooking section. Idiots! Gah!)
Ate a "lovely cheese pizza, just for me"...all of it. (Any guesses on what movie that is from??)
Watched the entire season of Project Runway. Now I have to watch the finale on Wednesday. Damn it! Hate Bravo and their addictive television!

Hmmm...I can't decide if I had a sucky weekend or not. I guess it was okay. It could've been worse! B&N was waaaay too crowded for my liking. I am used to my peace and quiet on Mondays when I am out and about. All the people that were off for President's Day really messed me up! I couldn't even go to the grocery store because you were all milling around, invading my day. Look, I leave Saturdays to you. It's all yours! The mall, the movies, the stores...but in return, you give me Mondays! Mondays are all mine! Just for that, I'm taking Saturday off!

Smelly

2005-02-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Smelly Co-Worker,

I realize that you don't smell pleasant. And I am sorry that you have to go through that. I do have to smell you every day and it is not fun for me, either. However, there are worse things. Like spraying an entire bottle of your cheap "Sav-On Discount Bin" perfume on yourself to try and cover the smell. If you insist on doing that, please be kind enough to hand out kleenex for when we are sneezing and Excedrin to get rid of the headache you just caused. I am now going to slump under my desk and pass out from the fumes.

Stupid Button

2005-02-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

Why are there so many religious Blogs out there? Am I just a heathen? I suppose so.

Menage a Trois

2005-02-19T14:48:00.001-08:00

I slept with two boys last night. Check em out above. They have a little more hair than I usually like. They hogged the bed, but kept me warm. One of them passed gas, but I am not naming names (Kobe!). Overall, I think we all had a good time! By the way, Weenie took the pictures. WTF is up with her camera, making the poor boys look all possessed?!?! Really, they are adorable!

I am at work. It is slow for me. Lots of time to catch up! I just wish my office didn't smell like cat pee. Not that I really know what cat pee smell likes. But I am guessing that it smells like what my office smells like. No sense. I just wish I was in my pajamas...

2005-02-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

Kobe and Jordan after seeing The Ring 2...

2005-02-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

Me, Weenie and Renee...I don't know why my hair looks short, it's not. And I also can't explain the strange pointiness of my boobs (Note to self: must buy more flattering bra this weekend).

I Hate These Things

2005-02-19T12:14:00.000-08:00

Stupid 78! Puh-Lease!

For the Record

2005-02-18T16:19:00.000-08:00

There are enough people in my life that treat me like crap. I don't need my friends to do it, too. I am too old to put up with your junior-high "let's whisper about Mel during lunch" mentality. If you have a LEGITIMATE issue with something I have "done" to you, then fucking tell me. Otherwise, suck it up and get over it. Or don't get over it. And leave me the hell alone. GAH!

A Life Less Ordinary

2005-02-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

Do you think that people, who are not creative or imaginative, lead less-exciting lives? Do you think that they fail to see the details? The humor? The sadness of life?

Before we get into that, what makes a person creative? Is there a creative gene that some people are born with, or does everyone start out the same? I know that some people are constantly stimulated in creative environments, while others aren’t. For example, I think that my parents did a really good job of always making sure that Brother and I were surrounded by creativity. We grew up exposed to art, books, music, and imagination. I started to read at age four and I haven’t slowed down. There was always music in my house. And not just the run-of-the-mill Top 40, either. My parents exposed us to so many different styles. We listened to Mexican music, Hawaiian music, jazz, big band, and old school, the Beatles…everything! I was probably the only three-year-old in my neighborhood to sing all the words to Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder (I still love that song!).

Brother and I weren’t plopped in front of the television a lot, either. We were always outside playing. We would play “school” in the garage, or “house” in the backyard. We didn’t have a lot of toys or fancy bikes, but we had good imaginations. We were always setting up stands on the corner to sell something.

Brother was the best with duct tape and rope. If he had a little of each, he would be busy for hours! One afternoon, my dad and I were sitting in our living room. We could hear my brother out front, patiently calling “Daaaad” every couple of minutes. There was nothing panicked or extreme about the way he was calling him. Finally, after about 10 minutes of trying to tune him out, my dad gets up and looks out the window. And breaks into hysterical laughter. Apparently Brother decided he was going to practice “climbing” on our large tree in the front yard. He rigged up a “pulley” system and proceeded to pull himself up…just far enough that his toes were about 2 inches off the ground and he was swinging back and forth. So of course we had to leave him hanging there for a bit while we called everyone over to come and look. Poor kid.

But I digress. I am sure that everyone has some sort of crazy story like that. I am sure that every kid had great adventures fueled by their creativity and imagination. But at what point do some people stop using their creativity and imagination? I know that in this day and age, maturity goes a long way towards being accepted by your “peers”. But if my peers are not creative and fun, do I really want them as my peers?

How do these people pass the time and amuse themselves while they are waiting for the doctor? Or while using the Elliptical machine at the gym? Or anywhere! I am always making up stories about the people around me. LB and I could sit for hours and people watch and tell their stories. We crack ourselves up! We have different voices for people, different scenarios, etc. We can’t explain this to everyone, though. Some of our friends think we are weird, or, that dreaded word again, immature.

I know that different people react to art, theater, literature and music in different ways. For example, art makes me cry. Not because it makes me sad, but because it is so overwhelming and I am in awe. The first time I saw a Van Gogh in person, I stood in front of it for an hour, with tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t get over the color, the texture. I had so many questions running through my head, I was mesmerized. When I went to the Guggenheim in Venice, it was the same way. If you’ve never been there, the museum is actually Peggy Guggenheim’s house that has been converted into an art museum. I kept thinking to myself “She walked barefoot down this hall…she had drinks with friends in this room…” It was so overwhelming!

When I tell those stories to some of my friends, they look at me like I have lost my marbles. Have I? Maybe. But I feel bad for them. How sad to see everything in a literal sense, black and white. How sad to put limits on the way you express yourself. How sad to look at a painting and only see a picture. Or to read a book and only think it was a nice story.

That is why I appreciate my Blogging friends so much. I know that if I find something silly or funny, one of you is bound to laugh, too! I know that if I talk about my fascination with a book or a building or a person, you will understand. You may not understand why, but you will understand how.

The older I get, the more I realize that some people are forced to put a cap on their imagination or creativity in the name of maturity. For the record, I refuse to do that. If that makes me immature, then so be it. But I like my imagination. I like to make up stories. I like to laugh and have fun. I hope you all choose the same.

You Can Blame the NHL

2005-02-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

I have suffered so much mental distress these past few months. I have had no outlet for my energy or my anger. And now it is official.

"NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman issued the following statement:

'Every professional sports league owes its very existence to its fans. Everyone associated with the National Hockey League owes our fans an apology for being unable to accomplish what is necessary for our game and our fans. We are truly sorry."

I am forwarding all of my therapy bills to Commissioner Bettman. They can't accomplish what is necessary for me!?!? Like hell! They can accomplish paying my therapist and everyone else who has had to suffer as a result of my frustration.

How Did I Get Here???

2005-02-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

I could've sworn I was in the Sahara last night with all the Camel toes I saw at the gym. Ewww.

Rockin' My World!

2005-02-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking about a date or even a flirtation...I am talking about Grace. She rules my world.

As you may know, we went out for drinks on Friday. Holy crap! I was sore on Saturday from laughing my ass off (seriously, I think I lost 10 lbs from laughter). She is so hysterically funny. Here is why I love Grace:

She doesn't hesitate to order Fish&Chips at a bar to go with her Vodka Tonic.
She will make fun of someone with me even when they are sitting next to me at the bar.
She will yell out inappropriate statements right when the music stops (statements such as "I would never date him, but I sure would fuck him!).
The more drunk she gets, the more celebrities she sees (Mel Gibson, Paige Davis and the lead singer from Smashmouth were totally there!).
She can appreciate the humor in a couple at the bar both drinking White Zin.
When I drunk dialed her, she actually picked up the phone and said hello, eventhough she was sitting two feet from me on the couch.
She talked to LB when he drunk dialed me and totally convinced him we were gonna have a 3-way with him (although he claims to not even remember talking to her...sure!).
She gets in a cab and DEMANDS the driver to turn the radio to K-Day. And then sings loud with me.

Grace, you are by far the best date I have had in eons. I am so ready to go out again...

Friday Giggles...

2005-02-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

To offset the Friday pissiness!

Today I received a surprise package from Mrs. Fields! Well, not her personally...anyway, it is a big yellow box with smiley faces and an assortment of yummy baked treats! I helped my friend's step-son get a job, so they sent it to thank me! I was pleasantly surprised, no one ever sends me anything! Anyway, I called over there (they live in St. John) and my friend's husband, Greg, answers. So we chat for a bit. He tells me that when his son was sending the note, he wanted to mention that he knew me. So he says to his dad "Okay, so what is Mel's last name? Mega, right?" Hee hee! How cool is that!?!? The kid actually thought that was my last name! I think I shall have it legally changed!

An email goes out to the hotel everyday with a daily update from each department. So, I am scrolling through, when I get to the Sales Department. Under the heading it says that T&E (2 of the Sales Managers) will be visiting the Convention Bureau to deliver VD cookies. The hell? Ewww! I guess nothing says Happy Friday like a little VD, huh? LOL!!!

Another One Bites the Dust

2005-02-11T12:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry, Steve, it's not the pope. But it is sad. I am sorry to report that Arthur Miller has died. Unfortunately, he was not on anyone's list. Better luck next time guys!

**moment of silence for Mr. Miller**

Friday Pissiness...

2005-02-11T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, it's rainy, I'm at work...gah! The good thing is, I left about 15 minutes earlier than I usually do this morning and guess what? There was no traffic!! How weird is that? I feel like all this time, there has been some strange conspiracy against me! It's like everyone that drives on the 22 has been told to not leave their house until 7:30 because that is when Mel gets on the road. Well, I showed them! I outsmarted those mother fuckers and left early! HAHA!! I laughed hysterically all the way to work!!

Did anyone watch The OC last night? They really built up this whole girl-on-girl action thing. And it was sooooo NOT hot. I really wanted it to be, too. The blonde that plays Alex is SMOKING hot! Grrrr! I'd do her! But anyway, it wasn't hot because Mischa Barton looked sooooo uncomfortable. She was not into it at all. And you could tell. Stupid Mischa totally ruined it for me. Bitch. Oh, I would also like to say that I am so relieved they finally mentioned Marissa's sister. WTF? Like we wouldn't notice she was gone since the season started and never mentioned again. I had no idea that so many people just disappeared from Newport!

Speaking of television, there is a commercial running for Wicke's Furniture. Their catchy theme is "We've Got the Look" and they play that god-awful song by Roxette through the whole commercial! Is it really necessary to bring that song back? I think some songs are better off left dead. That would be one of them.

So, I picked up the new issue of US Magazine last night. There is a section in it that has a "Where are they now?" of former teen hearthrobs. OH. MY. GOD. Even if you don't buy this magazine, you have to at least look at it at the grocery store. I have five words for you: Richard Greico and Corey Haim. HA!! HAHAHA!! I can't even begin to describe the horror that they have become. Apparently RG is trying to make up for his receding hairline by growing out his stringy hair in back. Dude, you've got a fivehead, let it go...And CH! Hee hee....he is puffy and blonde and SCARY! And the best part about Corey, is that they mention that he is still single. No kidding!! I can't imagine why, what with all his sexy bankruptcy and rehab issues...it's a miracle no one's snatched up that winner yet!

Is it 5 yet? I need an Amstel...

Hobbits Ruin Everything!!!

2005-02-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

Did anyone see Lost last night? I was so pissed!! Just as they capture Ethan and maybe, just maybe, we are going to get some good scoop, stupid "Merry" has to go and shoot the guy to prove how big his dick is!! GAH! Go back to the shire and leave the job of capturing the bad guys to the BIG boys!!

2005-02-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

MMM...how many can YOU eat???

I Want To Be a Part of It...

2005-02-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

...New York, New York!

Yippee skippee! I am going to NYC! Suh-weet! I have never been. I have only been to the East Coast once. I went to DC with a couple of my girlfriends. It was one of the best trips ever! We did the museum thing by day and the drinking thing by night. So fun!

So I am going to NY FINALLY! I am going with my aunt. It helps that I get the fatty hookup at the Hyatt. And it helps that my aunt has been several times before. I told her that I trust her to help me make the most of my four days there (which I know is not a lot of time).

So, my well-traveled readers, do any of you have a list of "must-sees" for me? I would like suggestions on bars, stores, restaurants, etc...

I know you all have great taste, so I trust you to send me places that are fun and different. So get thinking and let me know!!

Dead Pool Update

2005-02-05T14:03:00.000-08:00

People keep dying!!! Just not the right ones. Damn celebrities! Anyway, no one in the pool has died yet. I think the closest person to getting points is Steve. I know Steve is at home, eyes glued to CNN, fists clenched, just waiting for the Pope update. Oh wait. They don't have cable. Hee. Anyway, keep the hope alive, Steve. Keep the hope for the Pope. Sorry . Couldn't resist.

Reaffirming My Position

2005-02-03T13:59:00.000-08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to reaffirm my position as #1 Geek in the LBC. You see I am horribly addicted to geeky television. I think that the Discovery Channel, the Travel Channel and the Food Network are the best!

I have an ongoing list of places that I would like to go, based on the many hours I have spent watching the Travel Channel. And some places that I have crossed off my list because really, I have already seen everything there is to see. One of the best things about the TC, though, is when they show the mega-fancy hotel rooms that a peon like me would otherwise never have a chance to see! I love it! Oh, and the fact that they will countdown the world's best truck stop restrooms. In case you needed sanitary places to pee around the world. World's Best and Samantha Brown are the best things on that channel. Although, I always feel kinda sad for cute little Sam. She always has to eat alone. Boo.

The Food Network is good for lazy TV watching. You don't really have to give it 100% of your attention. You can read, play a game or clean house while watching that channel! Just be sure to have plenty of snacks in your cupboard if you are watching anything on this channel. It tends to make you VERY hungry. I have an interesting love/hate relationship with Rachel Ray. Her $40 a day is impressive, even if I do tend to think that sometimes she only gets good deals because she has a television camera with her. I love her kitchen on 30 Minute Meals. And she always makes it look so easy. However, I can't stand the fact she gives food nicknames (I would never!). The worst is how she refers to Extra Virgin Olive Oil as "EVOO". I realize that she only has 30 minutes to cook a meal, but does it really save you that much time by calling it that!??! Ugh! It always starts with just a few nicknames, next thing you know, it is like a foreign language and your loyal viewers have no clue what you are talking about! But I digress. My absolute FAVORITE program on the Food Network is when they have the competitions. Especially the pastry ones. And they are never ending! Who knew there were such a wide variety of Pastry Chef competitions! You could spend your entire Pastry Chef career just in competition! One night I was watching a wedding cake competition that took place in Boonyville, USA. Hee. These were some of the most god-awful wedding cakes you could imagine (take note, Cat). All colors of the rainbow. Some with fountains. Some with hideous flowers. But boy, those toothless bakers sure thought they were purty! Think of all the Aquanet one could buy with the prize money! Hee.

What really solidified my entry in the Geek Hall of Fame was the special on The Discovery Channel this past Sunday. Yes, I am talking about Pompeii: The Last Day. I was so excited for this show. I had been discussing it for several weeks with anyone who would listen. I washed my face, got in my pajamas, grabbed a blanket and a snack and was ready to devote hours to this program. And trust me when I say, I was not disappointed. It was fascinating. I enjoyed every minute of it. At one point on Tuesday, I found myself telling a friend about it:

MM: "Oh! Did you watch Pompeii on the Discovery Channel last night???"
F(bewildered look, like I am testing her): "Uhhhh...nooooo...I guess I missed it..."
MM: "It was soooooo good! You really missed it! I was so impressed with how they did it. They even had computer imagery to show what could happen if Mount Vesuvius were to erupt like that in modern times! It was so cool!"
F (walking away, shaking head): "Ummm...okay..."

The worst part about being alone in my love for Pompeii? All the missed Mount Vesuvius/Zoolander jokes! Don't get me wrong, I said them out loud. And then laughed at my own jokes. Once again proving, I am the biggest geek in the LBC.

Question of the Day

2005-02-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

How do people manage to drive down the street with their heads inserted so far up their asses?

Oh wait, they don't.

Practically Perfect

2005-01-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there are things that satisfy your craving or fit your needs so well, that for a while they are "practically perfect in every way" (like Mary Poppins). As of 11am this morning, here are some things that I think are practically perfect:

Snickers Poppables - I think that I have mentioned them before in previous posts, but I would like to reiterate their perfection. Seriously. The truth is, I am not a crazy-obsessed chocolate freak. I could usually give or take it. And when I do crave it, I don't need a lot to keep me happy. Which is where the Poppables "pop" in (hee...couldn't resist). They are bite-sized, have a taste of caramel and are a little nutty. Mmmm...chocolate perfection to me! And if I only have a teeny craving, I just have a couple. If I have a ginormous craving, I eat the whole bag!
The Garden State Soundtrack - I tend to become a little obsessed at times. I have been listening to this soundtrack all day every day for the past two and half weeks. And I am not sick of it yet. Now it has become a mission of sorts. How long can I possibly listen to it before I want to shove it behind the couch and not see it for two years? So far, there is no end in site. Best soundtrack! Ever!
Ralph Lauren Bath Sheets - I know I am little and I don't necessarily "need" a bath sheet, but I just love them so much. They are thick and fluffy and soft. They retain their flavor. I love that. There is nothing more comforting than drying off with a yummy-smelling thick towel. And the weird thing is, they help to keep my entire bathroom smelling April Fresh! Plus, they perfectly match my sheets! Which brings me too...
Ralph Lauren 500 Count Sateen Sheets - I know that 500 is not an exceptionally high thread count, but the sateen definitely helps. They are sooooo soft and comfy! They making getting into bed something to look forward to and getting out of bed something to dread. I just want to spend days snuggled in my comfy sheets. And guess what! They retain their flavor as well!
Sharpie Ultra Fine Point Permanent Markers - They come in so many fun colors, you can buy a mixed pack! And they are thin enough that you can use them everyday for every occasion. Want to leave a note for a co-worker? Why not spice it up with a fun color? Writing out the same old grocery list? Add some pizzazz and use a purple pen! Did I just say "pizzazz"? Geesh! I need to get out!
Target - Target is amazing in that it really helps you find things that you never knew you needed. And when you find something you need, you REALLY need it. How did I live before having it? Plus, you can get 4,562 hangers for $3.50!! I never need to buy hangers again! And, I have so many hangers that I am thinking of creative ways to hang everything! Even my unmentionables! Which, for obvious reasons, I cannot mention.
Eclipse Mints - Wow! Best mints ever! Tiny, yet powerful. Yankeebob, this may help with your onion obsession!
My appetite - It's finally back and it is back with a vengeance. I swear, I ate 2 pieces of chicken and 2 sides of mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC last night in about 4 1/2 minutes. Which, for those that know me, is unusual because I am officially the world's slowest eater!

I guess that about covers it for now. I have a lot of small perfections in my life, who knew?!?!

Does an Umbrella Really Fit in a Shot Glass?

2005-01-25T13:38:00.000-08:00

I'm a little frightened...

How to make a Mel Mega

Ingredients:

3 parts jealousy

5 parts humour

1 part leadership

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of sadness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Today

2005-01-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

Today is Virgnia Woolf's birthday.

Today I am going to listen to "Let Go" by Frou Frou 28 times. Because there is "beauty in the breakdown."

Today I found a huge bump on my head. I don't know where it is from.

Today I had a tuna sandwich for a morning snack.

Today I am going to Target to buy a hamper, because putting my dirty clothes in a pile in the corner doesn't work for the anal-retentiveness in me.

Today I am also going to buy hangers because I have a much bigger closet and no dresser.

Today I am going to eat a 3 "servings" of Quaker Caramel Corn Rice Cakes. Because I can.

Today I am going to make tacos for dinner.

Today I am going to maintain a positive attitude throughout the day. Even though I have to take it one hour at a time.

Today I am going to drive home and not call anyone a "mother fucker"...or at least try my darndest not to.

Today I am going to catch up on my emails and return my calls.

Today I am going to go to sleep at 10:00, no matter what is on TV.

Today I will try to smile and be nice to everyone I see. So they will think I am a sweet, friendly person.

Today I will remember that tomorrow is another day.

I Did It For Cat!!

2005-01-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

Today is Cat's Birthday. So go wish her a happy one! On my birthday she had a very nice cake for me on her Blog. I don't know how to do that, so I had to get creative.

I thought to myself: "Self, if Cat were here, how would we be celebrating her birthday? Why with drinks of course!"

So Cat, I went and had Birthday drinks for you last night. A lot. Tons. So many that I woke up this morning...on the bathroom floor. *shudder*

It was a dirty job, but someone in CA had to go out and toast you last night. I was happy to accept the challenge and I apparently did a brilliant job.

Anyway, have a very Happy Birthday Cat! And I hope all your wishes come true!!

Pronounciation

2005-01-21T10:11:00.000-08:00

Why can't people pronounce "buffet" right? Or "foyer"? It's like that commercial where the guy says wa-rap for wrap. Cracks me up every time. I just heard one of the assistants up here say "buffet" and clearly pronounce the "t". She said this to a client. Great image we are projecting here.

Just Let Me Get This Off My Chest...

2005-01-21T09:12:00.000-08:00

I am losing my mind! Every day this week I have woken up and thought it was Saturday. And then I realize it isn't. So I lay in my bad and spew out every awful word and phrase I can think of. After about 15 minutes of that, I drag my sorry ass outta bed and into the shower. Where at least 10 more phrases pop into my head and I yell them out. Hmmm...I wonder if my new neighbors think I have Tourette's? I think I am going to play it off like I do. I am just going to walk around my apartment and drop f-bombs and call the people on TV whores and A-holes. All day. Every day. Because I can.

So back to my confusion about what day it actually is. The worst part of this whole story is that is doesn't really matter if it is Saturday or not. Because I work on Saturdays. Granted I don't have to go in until 11, so I do get to sleep in a little. But I still have to get up and get shiny and clean and make happy at all the couples that are about to ruin their relationships by getting married. Sorry! Not true for all married people, I guess. Some people actually marry other people that are nice and care about someone other than themselves.

Which brings me to my next topic (I swear, I have had no champagne this morning). I am completely losing my faith in humanity. I know that there are decent people out there who genuinely want to do something nice for someone, just because. But it seems that more and more, people do something nice for someone with the expectation that they will be getting something out of it. It's always a trade-off of some sort. Now don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to help someone out and happy that they will help me out when needed. I am not talking about favors like driving someone to the airport or helping them move (grrr)...although sometimes it involves things like that.

I am talking about emotional things. Mental support. Is it worth my time to help someone through a crisis when I could be home watching the Apprentice? Why would I drive 30 minutes to see my friend who is going through a very rough time, when I can stay in my bubble in the OC and just send her an email? I swear, these things actually go through my friend's heads. Do you know how many friends have come to see me in the last 6 months or so? One. Just one. Do you know how many phone calls I have received from friends who have said "I know you are going through a rough time, why don't we go to dinner or have drinks or something?" One. And it was from Grace (God love her!). Who I have only "met" once.

Maybe I am just as bad. Maybe I am so wrapped up in the stupid drama that is my life that I haven't stopped to think about what my friends may be going through. I guess its fair to say that. But I know that if one of them were going through something as major as I am, I would do what it takes to make them feel better. I'm not saying I'm a better person or friend, I just know that if one of my friends is sad, it makes me sad. And if I have to drive to South OC to take them to dinner, then I will fucking do it. But geesh! You'd think I lived in Siberia with how often my friends come around. And it gets thrown right back to me "well you never visit us"...True, but I also work up to 10 hour days, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. And in case you hadn't noticed I have been in the process OF LEAVING MY HUSBAND AND MOVING ALL BY MYSELF!

Fuck.

The Dead Zone

2005-01-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

Wow! You guys are morbid. I love that in a person. Here is everyone's Dead Pool picks. If you didn't get yours in and you want to be added, let me know. If you would like me to email you an Excel version, let me know. If I got your picks wrong or you want to change them, go screw. Hee.

Steve (with the cute butt) says:

The Pope
Kirk Douglas
Phyllis Diller

Grace (her butt's not bad either):

Fidel Castro
Don Knotts
Charlton Heston

Ian (I can only imagine his butt):

Charlie Watts
Prince Phillip
Mark Hamill (Really, Ian? Luke Skywalker?)

Peachy:

Richard Pryor
Keith Richards
Dick Cheney

Rob:

George W (Good God, we can hope...)
Jackie Stallone
Hugh Hefner

YankeeBob:

Nick Nolte (He's halfway there!)
Angela Lansbury
Hillary Clinton

Cat:

Britney Spears
Chevy Chase (Shawn's pick)
Charlton Heston

Tom Petty
Tom Jones (I have seen the man in a speedo. He ain't going anywhere this year!)
Farrah Fawcett

Sic (totally wins for most creative reasoning!):

Jennifer Garner (Man)
JLo
Gwyneth Paltrow

Richard:

Chief Justice William Rehnquist
Betty White
Rev. Billy Graham

Mel:

Richard Pryor
Liza Minelli
Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown (I realize this is two people, but I think they may kill each other or have some sort of weird suicide/OD pact)

So, as you can see, the only people that have two votes are Charlton Heston and Richard Pryor. Which means that if you did not vote for one of these people and someone on your list dies, you are raking in the Death Pool points! By the way, at the end of the year, I will send the winner something. And it won't be Laffy Taffy (for the record, I had 4 glasses of champagne in a meeting at work and it took me 4 tries to spell "laffy taffy" right). Hee!

Not Dead Yet!!

2005-01-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I will try and get to a "normal" post today, but I wanted you all to know that I am officially in my very first apartment that belongs all to me!! I won't tell you where so that none of you creepy stalkers can find me. Although I think the extent of my "stalkers" pretty much includes Grace and that's it. So never mind. I will gladly tell Grace where I live because she promised me champagne and P-Funks. Suh-weet! But the move went well. I have about 26 bruises on my legs. And my calves feel like I ran 356 miles uphill. But I did it!! YAY MEL!! I am so grown up now. Weeee!

Anyway, I have been super busy at work, but I hope to catch up this morning so that I can post the Dead Pool results and also explain why I am losing faith in humanity.

Talk to you soon!

Incestuous Amplification

Hmmm...

Still Alive!!

No, Really...I'm Fine...

Entertainment Update

Today...

Dream-Like State

Friday Randomness (or Friday Pity Party)

Why Today Sucks

HNT 6: When I Come Back for More

Not Getting It

Letter to "Anonymous"

HNT 5: It's a Good Thing Honey Likes Booty

HNT Scramble!

This One's for Grace!

Update

HNT 4: Here We Go Again!!

MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

STUPID ME!!!

"...I Might End Up Somewhere in Mexico..."

Wednesday: The Good, The Bad and The Fucking Hot!!

HNT: Yippee Skippee!!

Major Suckage

Simple Math

Thursday Again!?!?

Heaven?

Ummm...ewww

HNT...Might As Well....

*whimper*

Tee Hee

Hmm...Me? Quirky? Nah!!!

HEY! VERO!!!

Aggressions and Apologies

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

All I Want...

Phew!

GOT IT!!

HELP!! IDEAS NEEDED IMMEDIATELY!!

Skanks

The Moral High Road

My Two Cents...

Detox is a Bitch!

"I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes..."

Sshhhh!

What Blogger Am I?

Exactly

Graduating is Cool!

Stir Crazy

VOTE FOR MEL!!!

Fucking Larry!!

Fashion Tip of the Day

Enough

Mega Bitch

Weekend Update

I Was a Liar

I'm a Bad Girl!

Me? Really!??!

Smudge

Sick

Darth Mel

My Life is Complete

Weekends Are for Amateurs

I Kill Me: The Deuce!

Highlights

I Love Her!!

I Kill Me

WARNING!!!

Oh Brother!!

Breakin' The Law

We've Got Ourselves a Game

Revenge

Despite Keanu

Weekend Update

Smelly

Stupid Button

Menage a Trois

I Hate These Things

For the Record

A Life Less Ordinary

You Can Blame the NHL

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