Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Guess Who's Back?

Just as I was getting comfortable again, guess who shows up? That's right, the Mother F-ing BUG!!! UGH!!!

There I am, relaxing in the house, watching the Amazing Race by myself. My brother had just left and I was unwinding for the night. During a commercial break, I decide to wash my face and get ready for bed. I walk into the bathroom and don't notice anything unusual. However, as I am rinsing I suddenly get an eerie feeling, like I am being watched. I quickly rinse the soap out of my eyes because at this point I have the full-on heebie jeebies. I look around me...nothing. I turn around...and HOLY SHIT! That Mother Fucker is just chilling next to the bath mat staring at me, wiggling his damn antennae at me! Hate the antennae! Now, there is very little room for me to maneuver past the Bug into the hallway. And my face is dripping wet. So I do a little hop/run thing and end up in the hallway. I can't see the Bug anymore, just the wiggling of the long ass antennae! I am standing there dripping wet, trying to decide what to do when all of it sudden it comes tearing around the corner and running straight towards me! I yell "Fuck that!" and slam the door shut! Dude! I barely made it...

I know the bug can't fit underneath the door, but just for my own peace of mind, I shove a towel under there anyway. I have to position myself on the couch so that I can watch TAR and keep my eye on the hallway to make sure the Bug does not run into my room. I called P to find out when he would be home because there was no way in hell I was gonna sleep until this thing was DEAD!

So about an hour later, P finally comes home. I prep him on the fact that this thing is bigger than my head (he still hasn't seen it) and that it moves like lightning! I tell him that I shut the door on it and that it could be on the backside of the door or up above the door by this time, so he better be prepared. I think the Bug had a death wish. P opens the door, it is sitting right there. He throws a gigantor shoe at it. There is a disgusting popping noise that shakes the house. P turns to me and informs me that it is dead. There is NO FUCKING WAY!! Are you sure? I want to see the body. Big mistake (huge). I peer at the carcass and start retching, it is so disgusting.

I am still shaking but realize that it is about 2 hours past my bedtime so I better finish up what I need to do and get to bed. As I am walking back into the hallway, something catches my eye...What the fuck? OH SWEET JESUS!! There is another one! I AM BEING INVADED!! I nearly piss myself, I am screaming and jumping up and down. Luckily this one is in a plastic bag that had been in the hallway (don't ask...and who knows how many more were in that bag). I make P pick up the bag and march it down to the trash can. Phew! At this point I am exhausted and traumatized! All I want is to lay down and sleep. As I get into my bed, I see a big spider camping out near my head. More screaming ensues and P comes in to kill it. He is not happy. Without a word he goes to his room and shuts his door.

Thank you?

2 Comments:

Blogger grace said...

oh, gawd. i'd die. just keel over and die.

unfortunately for me, steve doesn't like to kill any living creature. he will capture it and set it free. technically, that bug is trespassing in my home. i think i should be able to kill it. but steve always saves it and takes it outside to save it from me and my magazine/shoe/book/towel/refrigerator magnet.

damn his kindness.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

i can kill ants, and that's it. i get the boyfriend to kill all creepy crawly things. he just smashes it w/ his shoe.

3:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home