Mottephobia

Do you know what that is? I do. And I have it.

Not only am I arachnophobic, but I am mottephobic as well. It means I am deathly afraid of spiders. And moths. I know you're thinking to yourself "Moths? Really? But they don't do anything to you."

And that's where you would be wrong. They do alot to me. They gather in the hallway outside my door. Big, huge, black moths. Silently, they wait, very still, for me to leave. As soon as I close the door and start walking down the stairs, they come in for the kill. They fly at me, fluttering their dirty little wings around my head and face. And they don't go away! They just continue to come back and fly in my face!

I hate them! Once, I was leaving my house and a gigantor moth flew out at me. I had an arm full of stuff. I flung my free arm around trying to get the moth to go away. I lost my balance and fell down the stairs. Like a cartoon. Head over feet. I thought I broke all my ribs. As I lay on the ground trying to wiggle my toes, the moth flew out of the hallway, out into the lovely day.

When I was in Costa Rica, I came wing-to-head with the mother of all moths. We were on the Osa Peninsula at a fancy-shmancy resort called Lapa Rios. After a day in the sun and several days of cold showers, I was ready for a hot shower and a nap before dinner. Everyone was still at the pool, so I decided to venture off to my bungalow. Now, my bungalow was the furthest one away. It was seriously a good mile hike through the rain forest. And it was starting to get dark. But I felt okay going alone. I started my long walk when all of a sudden I felt something buzz by my head. Hmmm....maybe if I don't look, there will be nothing there.

"Wait, what was that that just flew by? Was it a bat? Yeah, must be a bat. It won't bother me."

Hmmm...unless it wasn't a bat at all...it was a moth the SIZE of a bat. And there was a buttload of them! All flying around, being gigantic and fluttery around my head!! GOOD GOD! I have never run so fast in my entire life. I booked it back up the "trail" (which was actually stairs) and ran full speed back to the pool. The only way that I could get to and from the bungalow was by holding a towel over my head and being guided by someone else. I couldn't even run because it was too far and too many stairs.

So, after the trauma of the super-sized moths, I thought for sure that I would be able to handle the run-of-the-mill Long Beach moth. HMPH! Not so much. In fact, I am pretty convinced that they can smell my terror and fear and choose to taunt me. Of course, it doesn't help that the neighbors REFUSE to turn off the hall light when they come and go! Case in point, tonight I had to sneak down the back stairs and run through the backyard to avoid an ungodly amount of moths in the hallway. And when I came back, I had to do the same thing. The word is out. Moths of the world unite...and get Mel Mega.

As if this post was not long enough, I just need to say a little something about my arachnophobia. As you know, I am looking for an apartment. I have never lived by myself before and I am a little scared. Of spiders. In my apartment. When I am alone. Fuck.