Dream-Like State

First of all, can I just say how weird it is that Grace has another friend named Mel that looks just like me??? Weird, huh? In all seriousness...I can not apologize for the amount of fun that was had on Sunday night. Steve and Grace definitely throw the best get-togethers. And Steve makes the best drinks! My bags are packed and I am ready to move in!

Anyway, the other day, I was thinking about how if I had made one different choice in the last year or two, Honey and I would never have met. I said as much to him...he disagrees. Then I thought about it some more. I think he is right. I think that everything that I have done, been through, lived through, has led me to him. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it serendipity. I have never felt so sure of anything in my entire life.

I am, by nature, a very nervous, anxious person. I question everything. I stress about everything, even those things I have no control over. Honey does not have that effect on me. Ever. In fact, it is just the opposite. He is the only person I have ever met who can calm me down. With whom I can be myself completely. I don't dwell on issues, nervously think about problems that I can't solve. Nope. None of that.

Instead Honey makes me feel smart, funny and beautiful. He is the first person that I have ever been with who hasn't consistently pointed out my flaws. Or made me feel like I was lucky that I even had someone giving me the time of day. He makes me feel special. He makes me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world, but not in a condescending way.

I feel that I have passed through the last few months in a dream. You know how sometimes in a dream, you know things are happening to you, but you are removed from the situation...you feel more like an observer than a participant. That is how I have felt. I have had some rough times this last year, harder than I expected. The last few months have also given me several rough spots. But I've made it through. I have also felt better about myself than I have in years. Happier, more enthusiastic, more stable, but most of all, more content.

I know content seems like an odd choice of words, but really that's what it is. At night when Honey's breathing starts to slow down and I know he has drifted into sleep, I am content. I am the purest form of happy that I have ever felt.

It has happened fast. We've only been together a few months. But I don't think that matters. I think that as we get older and make it through rough times and hard relationships, that we focus in on what we want and what we know will make us happy. It is so much easier to weed out the "bad" ones. And then when you meet the person that so perfectly matches what you want, you just know it. And it is easy to just fall for them so hard, so fast. Without any doubts. And that is just how I feel! I really do feel like the luckiest girl in the world.