Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Letter to a Neighbor

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

I think your name is Mel, right? You probably remember me, I live downstairs from you. Sometimes when you are dragging your ass home from work at 7:00, you run into me. You know, I am the boppy red-head who is always devouring a Blizzard from the DQ (I deserve a reward after my rigorous physical therapy sessions). I always have a cute little pink sweat suit on and pink shoes to match! Yeah, that's me!

You may remember my husband, too. He is kinda geeky. He is a USC alumni in case you couldn't tell by the ginormous flag hanging in front of our house. He's so silly, on game days he jumps outta bed at the crack of dawn and carefully selects which USC sweatshirt will look best with his turtleneck. He can barely finish his cornflakes before he runs over to the stereo and blasts the USC fight song. Over and over again. At top volume. Remember that time that you thought there was an earthquake at 6am and it turned out to be our stereo? That was so funny!

Sometimes when he is being extra good, I let him host a poker party. The Girls and I pack up and head off for the night so that we can let the boys be boys. We usually like to do this during the week because none of us have real jobs and the weekends are so hectic! Were you home during the last party? You probably remember it well. Those crazy boys stayed up playing cards and drinking until about 5am on a Thursday. And then one of his friends started a fight! There was yelling and door slamming and stomping on the hardwood floors that echo through the whole building. What am I gonna do with that crazy guy!?!?

So, what is it like being in the real world and having a real job? As you know, my husband and I are both pharmaceutical reps and we work from home. Sometimes I don't even get out of my sweats for three days straight! I like to wake up and get my work done early. This leaves me plenty of time to do all my housework after 9pm! There is nothing more satisfying than vaccuming the entire house at 10:30 at night. And when I move all the furniture to give it a deep clean, it is even better! My husband prefers to sit on the couch most of the day in his underwear. He doesn't even go into his office until about 10pm. And then he sits in his rolling chair the entire time! If he needs something on the other side of the room (which is about every 10 minutes), he just rolls across the hardwood floors and gets it! Sometimes I can even hear him above the noise of the vaccum!

Anyway, the point of my letter is to ask you a tiny favor. I know that you have a real job and you have to get up when most of us are just finishing up the dishes and going to bed. However, when you take a shower at that god-awful hour, your water heater makes a funny noise. Is there anyway that you can not use hot water when you shower before 9am? I just hate for my sleep to be disturbed, it makes me so cranky! Thank you for your understanding! I really appreciate it!

Sincerely,

Boppy-Red-Haired-Bush-Supporting Neighbor (and her Geeky "Go Trojans" Husband)

5 Comments:

Blogger grace said...

i'm so glad i don't have upstairs neighbors! that mel sounds like a bitch!!!! :P

4:44 PM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

pharma reps work from home? hmmm...interesting.

the usc fight song is just plain evil.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Yankeebob said...

I'm in the wrong pharma position. Damn, I'd like to work from home.

And USC bites!

Maybe Red and Mel should switch apartments? Then Red, err Mel...hmmm, the other one could return the noise favors.

(She said Trojans. *wink*)

6:19 PM  
Blogger SJ said...

You need to get yourself somewhere quieter. Didn't I warn you when you were looking for an apartment? Didn't I? "Mel," I said, "They won't thank you for it" I said. But would you listen? Oh no! Too eager to get up those stairs and pop open the champagne. I said to you that first night, "Mel," I said - in fact no, I used my stern tone and called you Melanee - "Melanee!" I said, using my stern tone, "you better turn that Tom Jones CD right down or the neighbours will be narky with you for the rest of your stay." But would you listen? Oh no! Too eager to see how far you could swing across the room, using the light cable as a Tarzan rope. I dunno. (*shakes head and sighs*) What am I to do with you...?

2:40 AM  
Blogger cat said...

for the love of god, mel... please tell me no one actually told you your hot watyer heater makes too much noise before 9am. please. please tell me this was all made up.

*must go to califonia and kick stupid people's butts!*

but - yay! you're back!!

4:52 AM  

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