Friday, January 14, 2005

Born With a Penis?

For some reason, I am obsessed with famous women that may have been men at one time or another. As you all I know, I totally think this is true of Jennifer Garner. I'm sorry, but there is just nothing soft and lovely about her. Have you seen her run on Alias? And she has the weirdest shaped body! So, I think she at one time had a penis.

I think Hillary Swank was a man at one time as well. And I thought this looooong before Boys Don't Cry (although that movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions). Does anyone remember her in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie? She was one of Buffy's friends. She looked like a guy wearing a wig. And when she was on 90210, I am pretty sure she got a boner when she made out with Steve. Final verdict? Penis.

Chynna the wrestler? Do I need to say more? Penis for sure!!

In one of the comments from the Dead Pool (of which I will post tomorrow), someone mentioned Bea Arthur. TOTAL MAN!

I think that on the next version of the Swan, they should take a guy and turn him into a woman. And then make him run around in a form-fitting rubber suit to try and erase all doubt from the viewing public. Apparently people will believe it.

9 Comments:

Blogger grace said...

i TOTALLY think jennifer garner used to be a man. there is something... a little too angular about her.

hilary, i can def see where you're coming from. i was astonished at how boy-like she was in boys don't cry. there are people who will dispute this and say that she's just a great actress... but yeah. i'm with you. MAN.

yeah. chynna. nothing else to say about that.

bea arthur... an old man.

there have been certain pics of jennifer lopez that i've seen that i could've SWORN i saw a damned adam's apple in. i swear i saw it.

i can't remember what mag it was, but steve picked it up and i told him that the girl looked manly... who was it? i know i told him that chick from queer eye for the straight girl looked kinda manly in her pic, but i swear there was someone else... who was it??? ARGH.

3:17 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Just clicking through, saw your post, and had to report on one more "female" celebrity - Wynonna Judd. I'm convinced she's Elvis.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Yankeebob said...

Vince is right, Wynonna Judd has to be Elvis.

I've always thought Hillary Swank was a man. She looks pretty tough.

Chynna. Who can argue? It would be cool to walk around with her though. No way anyone would mess with you.

Much as I think I shouldn't mention this here, I like Jennifer Garner. She's not the most feminine woman, but there is something I like about her. (Just not her current choice in men.)

4:48 PM  
Blogger SJ said...

Germaine Greer, Bridgette Nielson, Grace Jones, Sigourney Weaver... man, man, man, man... all men!

5:17 PM  
Blogger Munch said...

I said this before and a man almost beat me but I think Cameron Diaz was a man. Has anyone seen her in the dressing room part in the moving the Sweetest Thing (Great hilarious girly girl movie). Her chest looks so long and manly.

7:31 PM  
Blogger Freebird said...

For anyone older than 30, Ellen Bursty, definitely a man. Hilary Swank = Penis!

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See Million Dollar Baby and I think that you'll start believing that Hilary Swank still has her (pardon this, but it's too obvious to pass up) wank.

Boys Don't Cry + Million Dollar Baby = dude.

7:29 PM  
Blogger sic said...

Did anybody else ever see the episode of Friends (lame, I know...) where Chandler's dad visits. Kathleen Turner as a drag queen = DUDE.

Also (because one comment is just never enough), much as I find Jennifer Garner weird looking and annoying, I have to dispute the reasons for declaring she's one of them that pisseth against the wall. Being angular does not necessarily mean that one has a penis. I promise I have no such appendage, and I'm about as angular as they come.

That may or may not make sense. I'm not sure, but I stand by it regardless.

7:18 AM  
Blogger Robert said...

Jamie Lee Curtis is rumored to be a hermaphrodite.

11:23 AM  

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