Monday, October 03, 2005

No, Really...I'm Fine...

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I have hit some sort of wall. I have nothing interesting to write about, no inspiration in any way.

I'm in a funk.

Plus, on top of everything else, I find myself slipping back into that "paranoid and extremely insecure girl" role that I thought I had left behind for good. And I have no reason to. I guess I am so used to certain things happening at a certain point of a relationship, or used to certain behaviors, that I feel it is just inevitable that it will happen again.

I know that this wrong and that it isn't fair. But I feel like I need to brace myself for the blow. Ironically enough, it is probable that my bracing will actually cause the blow. While I am so busy being paranoid, I am pushing away the person that I love.

How stupid am I?

17 Comments:

Blogger cat said...

I LOVE YOU MELMEGA!!!!

*grin*

this is my happy encouragement comment. you're good enough, you're smart enough and gosh darnit, people LIKE you.

i should totally come out there for new years and we can have a "we rabbits are turning 30" bash. :)

2:04 PM  
Blogger grace said...

there, there... *pet*pet*

do you need dino nuggets? how about some liquor?

it'll be okay... promise :) :)

XOX

3:25 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

OMG! Is your name Veronica?!

I'm there with you. I tend to do the same exact thing. ((BIG HUG)) It's good you recognize what you're doing, and hopefully that will keep you from pushing the person away.

You deserve happiness. Doesn't he bring you happiness?

3:55 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

How stupid are we all?
Hang in there. Accept that relationships, like life, have ups and downs that don't have to mean the end. Do what's best for you. Good luck.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Yankeebob said...

We all do that at sometimes Mel. When you expect to see bad things that's what you will find. Don't tempt fate. Just enjoy it for what it is. It sounds like a great relationship so far. (And enjoy the hugs and kisses from Cat and Grace. I would. ;) )

1:38 PM  
Blogger LE said...

yeah, the paranoid girl thing. it happens to the best of us. goddamn insecurities.

if you start wrapping yourself in negativity, then you'll only expect bad things to happen. then they end up coming true. oh fuck, i'm sounding oprah-ish so i'll stop.

4:06 PM  
Blogger TerraT said...

You should never be insecure! You're totally HOT! umm. yeah.

I'd do you.

So would grace!

And...and... that guy that just passed my cubicle, he wants to do you three ways to Sunday.

That guy is weird. Stay away from him.

*HUG*

6:21 PM  
Blogger THE J Mo said...

Mel-mel,

Good to see you post again. I missed ya!

I'm going through my own relationship issues right now so I definitely feel for ya.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Alright, young missy! That's just about enough of this insecurity shit I'm taking from you this year! I'll be out there in just over two weeks and you'd better be the super awesome confident girlfriend I know you can be, or I'm going to step right on top of you. And I weigh a LOT!

12:49 PM  
Blogger Yoj said...

You're not stupid at all Ms. Mel Mega. (hug) I've missed you.

And from one to another- 3 cheers for the NHL! :)

9:47 PM  
Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

when I cant think of what to blog I generally just do a "Most Do'able" list of girls that are... well... most do'able :)

hey... pushing away those that love you is my middle name so I understand


Romeo PushingAwayThoseThatLoveU Jensen

9:42 PM  
Blogger peachy said...

Blah blah blah..blah blah blah blah..

Don't feel bad for yourself. I'm sure things are going great. Don't second guess yourself or you will end up feeling the blow. Positive thoughts headed your way.

5:14 AM  
Blogger PlatinumGirl said...

Sending happy thoughts your way . . .

Don't let the past put a damper on the present. If you're with someone who makes you happy, take it for all it's worth and enjoy it!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Jermey said...

Mel, where are you, it's been ten days, where are you? Where are you?

Mel you're a hottie, and you can do weird things to a beer bottle. That alone is cause for more beer drinking.

7:34 AM  
Blogger Jammie J. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:34 AM  
Blogger TerraT said...

i miss mel. mel mel mel mel.

when will I see you again?

I'm starting to forget the sound of your voice, the way your hair smells, what your tongue looks like.

Oh mel, won't you please come back?

=)

in case you didn't realize, can't access myspace.

#$@#%$@^%@$#!!!!!

2:00 PM  
Blogger PlatinumGirl said...

I can't access MySpace, either, at least during the day. It bites!

12:40 PM  

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