Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Despite Keanu

I have been really intrigued by the idea of the movie Constantine. So, eventhough I am not a big fan of the acting phenom that is Keanu, I decided that I needed to see this movie.

I was really impressed. Once you get past Keanu, the movie is much better than expected. I thought that the story line was good, it kept my interest. The whole "look" of the movie was really neat. If you can tune out Keanu's cheesy lines, there is a good movie in there. Also, it was not really what I would call a "horror" film. I didn't think it was that scary. Of course, there are scary demons in it, but the story itself isn't scary. The only other thing I will mention is that you have to really pay attention. There are a lot of little details that if you miss them, you may be confused. So if you go to see this movie, make sure you don't go with a talker. And try to sit where you won't be disturbed by other movie-goers.

In other news, I FINALLY saw some good previews (if I see the damn preview for Guess Who? one more time, I am going to scream and rip all my hair out). Has anyone seen the previews for Sin City? At first I was a little turned off due to the fact that Jessica Alba and Brittany Murphy are in it. However, there are a lot of other, more respectable, actors in the movie. I am looking forward to that one! And I also finally saw the preview for the new Batman movie. All I can say is: "Mmmmmm....Christian Bale..."

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Weekend Update

So, obviously I got to spend some quality time with "The Boyz", as seen below. Here are some of the other fun things I did:

  • Watched Weenie almost set herself on fire while she was trying to light a fire in the fireplace. Laughed my ass off as she tried to "Stop, Drop and Roll" and then ask us if she had any eyebrows left.
  • Got "goosed" by Jordan about 150 times in two days. Sad thing is, that's the most action I've had in months!
  • Made the waitress at Chili's switch tables because she thought that Leah (Brother's girlfriend) and I were laughing at her (we weren't).
  • Laughed hysterically at Leah when she ordered the "Quesadilla Explosion"!!
  • Laughed some more at the lack of actual Quesadilla involved in such an explosion.
  • Realized that the more beer I drink, the better I get at darts. So if I'm drunk and aiming at you, you better run like hell!
  • After drinking massive amounts of beer, had to deal with a drunk sorority girl who didn't read her contract and was in hysterics on the phone. Total buzz kill. But I did put the smack down and became Leah's hero! Hee!
  • Watched LB almost strangle the waiter at Fridays for not bringing him his mashed potatoes.
  • Snorted entirely too loud in the movie theater.
  • Restrained myself from walking to the front of the theater and kicking the ass of some 19-year-old Baby Mama who brought said baby to the theater (Good God, people! If you can't afford a babysitter, than maybe you should keep your broke ass at home!).
  • Hit my head on the wall when I tried to swan dive into bed (This is the second time since I have been on my own that I have hit my head. I am pretty sure I am going to knock myself out and be there for days without anyone knowing).
  • Yelled at kids running around Barnes and Noble. I told them that if they didn't sit quietly, I would call security. I think they were about 5. (I don't mean to be bitchy, but Barnes and Noble is like church. You must be quiet and have respect. No yelling. No running. No cell phones. And above all else, don't pick up a book and loudly describe the ending to your friend over in the cooking section. Idiots! Gah!)
  • Ate a "lovely cheese pizza, just for me"...all of it. (Any guesses on what movie that is from??)
  • Watched the entire season of Project Runway. Now I have to watch the finale on Wednesday. Damn it! Hate Bravo and their addictive television!

Hmmm...I can't decide if I had a sucky weekend or not. I guess it was okay. It could've been worse! B&N was waaaay too crowded for my liking. I am used to my peace and quiet on Mondays when I am out and about. All the people that were off for President's Day really messed me up! I couldn't even go to the grocery store because you were all milling around, invading my day. Look, I leave Saturdays to you. It's all yours! The mall, the movies, the stores...but in return, you give me Mondays! Mondays are all mine! Just for that, I'm taking Saturday off!


Dear Smelly Co-Worker,

I realize that you don't smell pleasant. And I am sorry that you have to go through that. I do have to smell you every day and it is not fun for me, either. However, there are worse things. Like spraying an entire bottle of your cheap "Sav-On Discount Bin" perfume on yourself to try and cover the smell. If you insist on doing that, please be kind enough to hand out kleenex for when we are sneezing and Excedrin to get rid of the headache you just caused. I am now going to slump under my desk and pass out from the fumes.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Stupid Button

Why are there so many religious Blogs out there? Am I just a heathen? I suppose so.

Menage a Trois

I slept with two boys last night. Check em out above. They have a little more hair than I usually like. They hogged the bed, but kept me warm. One of them passed gas, but I am not naming names (Kobe!). Overall, I think we all had a good time! By the way, Weenie took the pictures. WTF is up with her camera, making the poor boys look all possessed?!?! Really, they are adorable!

I am at work. It is slow for me. Lots of time to catch up! I just wish my office didn't smell like cat pee. Not that I really know what cat pee smell likes. But I am guessing that it smells like what my office smells like. No sense. I just wish I was in my pajamas...

Kobe and Jordan after seeing The Ring 2... Posted by Hello

Me, Weenie and Renee...I don't know why my hair looks short, it's not. And I also can't explain the strange pointiness of my boobs (Note to self: must buy more flattering bra this weekend). Posted by Hello

I Hate These Things

Stupid 78! Puh-Lease!

I am going to die at 78. When are you? Click here to find out!

Friday, February 18, 2005

For the Record

There are enough people in my life that treat me like crap. I don't need my friends to do it, too. I am too old to put up with your junior-high "let's whisper about Mel during lunch" mentality. If you have a LEGITIMATE issue with something I have "done" to you, then fucking tell me. Otherwise, suck it up and get over it. Or don't get over it. And leave me the hell alone. GAH!

A Life Less Ordinary

Do you think that people, who are not creative or imaginative, lead less-exciting lives? Do you think that they fail to see the details? The humor? The sadness of life?

Before we get into that, what makes a person creative? Is there a creative gene that some people are born with, or does everyone start out the same? I know that some people are constantly stimulated in creative environments, while others aren’t. For example, I think that my parents did a really good job of always making sure that Brother and I were surrounded by creativity. We grew up exposed to art, books, music, and imagination. I started to read at age four and I haven’t slowed down. There was always music in my house. And not just the run-of-the-mill Top 40, either. My parents exposed us to so many different styles. We listened to Mexican music, Hawaiian music, jazz, big band, and old school, the Beatles…everything! I was probably the only three-year-old in my neighborhood to sing all the words to Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder (I still love that song!).

Brother and I weren’t plopped in front of the television a lot, either. We were always outside playing. We would play “school” in the garage, or “house” in the backyard. We didn’t have a lot of toys or fancy bikes, but we had good imaginations. We were always setting up stands on the corner to sell something.

Brother was the best with duct tape and rope. If he had a little of each, he would be busy for hours! One afternoon, my dad and I were sitting in our living room. We could hear my brother out front, patiently calling “Daaaad” every couple of minutes. There was nothing panicked or extreme about the way he was calling him. Finally, after about 10 minutes of trying to tune him out, my dad gets up and looks out the window. And breaks into hysterical laughter. Apparently Brother decided he was going to practice “climbing” on our large tree in the front yard. He rigged up a “pulley” system and proceeded to pull himself up…just far enough that his toes were about 2 inches off the ground and he was swinging back and forth. So of course we had to leave him hanging there for a bit while we called everyone over to come and look. Poor kid.

But I digress. I am sure that everyone has some sort of crazy story like that. I am sure that every kid had great adventures fueled by their creativity and imagination. But at what point do some people stop using their creativity and imagination? I know that in this day and age, maturity goes a long way towards being accepted by your “peers”. But if my peers are not creative and fun, do I really want them as my peers?

How do these people pass the time and amuse themselves while they are waiting for the doctor? Or while using the Elliptical machine at the gym? Or anywhere! I am always making up stories about the people around me. LB and I could sit for hours and people watch and tell their stories. We crack ourselves up! We have different voices for people, different scenarios, etc. We can’t explain this to everyone, though. Some of our friends think we are weird, or, that dreaded word again, immature.

I know that different people react to art, theater, literature and music in different ways. For example, art makes me cry. Not because it makes me sad, but because it is so overwhelming and I am in awe. The first time I saw a Van Gogh in person, I stood in front of it for an hour, with tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t get over the color, the texture. I had so many questions running through my head, I was mesmerized. When I went to the Guggenheim in Venice, it was the same way. If you’ve never been there, the museum is actually Peggy Guggenheim’s house that has been converted into an art museum. I kept thinking to myself “She walked barefoot down this hall…she had drinks with friends in this room…” It was so overwhelming!

When I tell those stories to some of my friends, they look at me like I have lost my marbles. Have I? Maybe. But I feel bad for them. How sad to see everything in a literal sense, black and white. How sad to put limits on the way you express yourself. How sad to look at a painting and only see a picture. Or to read a book and only think it was a nice story.

That is why I appreciate my Blogging friends so much. I know that if I find something silly or funny, one of you is bound to laugh, too! I know that if I talk about my fascination with a book or a building or a person, you will understand. You may not understand why, but you will understand how.

The older I get, the more I realize that some people are forced to put a cap on their imagination or creativity in the name of maturity. For the record, I refuse to do that. If that makes me immature, then so be it. But I like my imagination. I like to make up stories. I like to laugh and have fun. I hope you all choose the same.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

You Can Blame the NHL

I have suffered so much mental distress these past few months. I have had no outlet for my energy or my anger. And now it is official.

"NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman issued the following statement:

'Every professional sports league owes its very existence to its fans. Everyone associated with the National Hockey League owes our fans an apology for being unable to accomplish what is necessary for our game and our fans. We are truly sorry."

I am forwarding all of my therapy bills to Commissioner Bettman. They can't accomplish what is necessary for me!?!? Like hell! They can accomplish paying my therapist and everyone else who has had to suffer as a result of my frustration.

How Did I Get Here???

I could've sworn I was in the Sahara last night with all the Camel toes I saw at the gym. Ewww.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Rockin' My World!

No, I'm not talking about a date or even a flirtation...I am talking about Grace. She rules my world.

As you may know, we went out for drinks on Friday. Holy crap! I was sore on Saturday from laughing my ass off (seriously, I think I lost 10 lbs from laughter). She is so hysterically funny. Here is why I love Grace:

  • She doesn't hesitate to order Fish&Chips at a bar to go with her Vodka Tonic.
  • She will make fun of someone with me even when they are sitting next to me at the bar.
  • She will yell out inappropriate statements right when the music stops (statements such as "I would never date him, but I sure would fuck him!).
  • The more drunk she gets, the more celebrities she sees (Mel Gibson, Paige Davis and the lead singer from Smashmouth were totally there!).
  • She can appreciate the humor in a couple at the bar both drinking White Zin.
  • When I drunk dialed her, she actually picked up the phone and said hello, eventhough she was sitting two feet from me on the couch.
  • She talked to LB when he drunk dialed me and totally convinced him we were gonna have a 3-way with him (although he claims to not even remember talking to her...sure!).
  • She gets in a cab and DEMANDS the driver to turn the radio to K-Day. And then sings loud with me.

Grace, you are by far the best date I have had in eons. I am so ready to go out again...

Friday, February 11, 2005

Friday Giggles...

To offset the Friday pissiness!

Today I received a surprise package from Mrs. Fields! Well, not her personally...anyway, it is a big yellow box with smiley faces and an assortment of yummy baked treats! I helped my friend's step-son get a job, so they sent it to thank me! I was pleasantly surprised, no one ever sends me anything! Anyway, I called over there (they live in St. John) and my friend's husband, Greg, answers. So we chat for a bit. He tells me that when his son was sending the note, he wanted to mention that he knew me. So he says to his dad "Okay, so what is Mel's last name? Mega, right?" Hee hee! How cool is that!?!? The kid actually thought that was my last name! I think I shall have it legally changed!

An email goes out to the hotel everyday with a daily update from each department. So, I am scrolling through, when I get to the Sales Department. Under the heading it says that T&E (2 of the Sales Managers) will be visiting the Convention Bureau to deliver VD cookies. The hell? Ewww! I guess nothing says Happy Friday like a little VD, huh? LOL!!!

Another One Bites the Dust

Sorry, Steve, it's not the pope. But it is sad. I am sorry to report that Arthur Miller has died. Unfortunately, he was not on anyone's list. Better luck next time guys!

**moment of silence for Mr. Miller**

Friday Pissiness...

It's Friday, it's rainy, I'm at work...gah! The good thing is, I left about 15 minutes earlier than I usually do this morning and guess what? There was no traffic!! How weird is that? I feel like all this time, there has been some strange conspiracy against me! It's like everyone that drives on the 22 has been told to not leave their house until 7:30 because that is when Mel gets on the road. Well, I showed them! I outsmarted those mother fuckers and left early! HAHA!! I laughed hysterically all the way to work!!

Did anyone watch The OC last night? They really built up this whole girl-on-girl action thing. And it was sooooo NOT hot. I really wanted it to be, too. The blonde that plays Alex is SMOKING hot! Grrrr! I'd do her! But anyway, it wasn't hot because Mischa Barton looked sooooo uncomfortable. She was not into it at all. And you could tell. Stupid Mischa totally ruined it for me. Bitch. Oh, I would also like to say that I am so relieved they finally mentioned Marissa's sister. WTF? Like we wouldn't notice she was gone since the season started and never mentioned again. I had no idea that so many people just disappeared from Newport!

Speaking of television, there is a commercial running for Wicke's Furniture. Their catchy theme is "We've Got the Look" and they play that god-awful song by Roxette through the whole commercial! Is it really necessary to bring that song back? I think some songs are better off left dead. That would be one of them.

So, I picked up the new issue of US Magazine last night. There is a section in it that has a "Where are they now?" of former teen hearthrobs. OH. MY. GOD. Even if you don't buy this magazine, you have to at least look at it at the grocery store. I have five words for you: Richard Greico and Corey Haim. HA!! HAHAHA!! I can't even begin to describe the horror that they have become. Apparently RG is trying to make up for his receding hairline by growing out his stringy hair in back. Dude, you've got a fivehead, let it go...And CH! Hee hee....he is puffy and blonde and SCARY! And the best part about Corey, is that they mention that he is still single. No kidding!! I can't imagine why, what with all his sexy bankruptcy and rehab's a miracle no one's snatched up that winner yet!

Is it 5 yet? I need an Amstel...

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Hobbits Ruin Everything!!!

Did anyone see Lost last night? I was so pissed!! Just as they capture Ethan and maybe, just maybe, we are going to get some good scoop, stupid "Merry" has to go and shoot the guy to prove how big his dick is!! GAH! Go back to the shire and leave the job of capturing the bad guys to the BIG boys!!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005 many can YOU eat??? Posted by Hello

Monday, February 07, 2005

I Want To Be a Part of It...

...New York, New York!

Yippee skippee! I am going to NYC! Suh-weet! I have never been. I have only been to the East Coast once. I went to DC with a couple of my girlfriends. It was one of the best trips ever! We did the museum thing by day and the drinking thing by night. So fun!

So I am going to NY FINALLY! I am going with my aunt. It helps that I get the fatty hookup at the Hyatt. And it helps that my aunt has been several times before. I told her that I trust her to help me make the most of my four days there (which I know is not a lot of time).

So, my well-traveled readers, do any of you have a list of "must-sees" for me? I would like suggestions on bars, stores, restaurants, etc...

I know you all have great taste, so I trust you to send me places that are fun and different. So get thinking and let me know!!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Dead Pool Update

People keep dying!!! Just not the right ones. Damn celebrities! Anyway, no one in the pool has died yet. I think the closest person to getting points is Steve. I know Steve is at home, eyes glued to CNN, fists clenched, just waiting for the Pope update. Oh wait. They don't have cable. Hee. Anyway, keep the hope alive, Steve. Keep the hope for the Pope. Sorry . Couldn't resist.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Reaffirming My Position

I would like to take this opportunity to reaffirm my position as #1 Geek in the LBC. You see I am horribly addicted to geeky television. I think that the Discovery Channel, the Travel Channel and the Food Network are the best!

I have an ongoing list of places that I would like to go, based on the many hours I have spent watching the Travel Channel. And some places that I have crossed off my list because really, I have already seen everything there is to see. One of the best things about the TC, though, is when they show the mega-fancy hotel rooms that a peon like me would otherwise never have a chance to see! I love it! Oh, and the fact that they will countdown the world's best truck stop restrooms. In case you needed sanitary places to pee around the world. World's Best and Samantha Brown are the best things on that channel. Although, I always feel kinda sad for cute little Sam. She always has to eat alone. Boo.

The Food Network is good for lazy TV watching. You don't really have to give it 100% of your attention. You can read, play a game or clean house while watching that channel! Just be sure to have plenty of snacks in your cupboard if you are watching anything on this channel. It tends to make you VERY hungry. I have an interesting love/hate relationship with Rachel Ray. Her $40 a day is impressive, even if I do tend to think that sometimes she only gets good deals because she has a television camera with her. I love her kitchen on 30 Minute Meals. And she always makes it look so easy. However, I can't stand the fact she gives food nicknames (I would never!). The worst is how she refers to Extra Virgin Olive Oil as "EVOO". I realize that she only has 30 minutes to cook a meal, but does it really save you that much time by calling it that!??! Ugh! It always starts with just a few nicknames, next thing you know, it is like a foreign language and your loyal viewers have no clue what you are talking about! But I digress. My absolute FAVORITE program on the Food Network is when they have the competitions. Especially the pastry ones. And they are never ending! Who knew there were such a wide variety of Pastry Chef competitions! You could spend your entire Pastry Chef career just in competition! One night I was watching a wedding cake competition that took place in Boonyville, USA. Hee. These were some of the most god-awful wedding cakes you could imagine (take note, Cat). All colors of the rainbow. Some with fountains. Some with hideous flowers. But boy, those toothless bakers sure thought they were purty! Think of all the Aquanet one could buy with the prize money! Hee.

What really solidified my entry in the Geek Hall of Fame was the special on The Discovery Channel this past Sunday. Yes, I am talking about Pompeii: The Last Day. I was so excited for this show. I had been discussing it for several weeks with anyone who would listen. I washed my face, got in my pajamas, grabbed a blanket and a snack and was ready to devote hours to this program. And trust me when I say, I was not disappointed. It was fascinating. I enjoyed every minute of it. At one point on Tuesday, I found myself telling a friend about it:

MM: "Oh! Did you watch Pompeii on the Discovery Channel last night???"
F(bewildered look, like I am testing her): "Uhhhh...nooooo...I guess I missed it..."
MM: "It was soooooo good! You really missed it! I was so impressed with how they did it. They even had computer imagery to show what could happen if Mount Vesuvius were to erupt like that in modern times! It was so cool!"
F (walking away, shaking head): "Ummm...okay..."

The worst part about being alone in my love for Pompeii? All the missed Mount Vesuvius/Zoolander jokes! Don't get me wrong, I said them out loud. And then laughed at my own jokes. Once again proving, I am the biggest geek in the LBC.

Question of the Day

How do people manage to drive down the street with their heads inserted so far up their asses?

Oh wait, they don't.